The doll is missing. I fear that I’ve remembered the wrong drawer, so I open all the drawers in the cabinet and check them one by one.

Eventually, I come to a conclusion: it is really gone.

It disappeared, so who took it?

I think the answer is obvious.

I never told him that I kept the doll in the basement, let alone told him where I put it, but he was able to find it and never told me the entire time.

What is even more frightening is that except for the courtyard and house doors, I have all the keys to the house. He never asked me for the key, but he was able to enter the basement and take away the doll.

As long as I’m not crazy, this information tells me very accurately that there is something wrong with Mingcheng.

I think I can guess where this doll went. It wasn’t just him that came in that night.

The doll should be in my house!

When I realize this, my hair stands on end. I quickly run through the basement door and locked it again, then swiftly run to the door of the house, intending to search the entire thing again.

But when the door opens, I freeze in place, afraid to enter.

It is not dark yet, and the warm afterglow of the sunset pours into the room through the huge floor-to-ceiling windows, turning the walls a warm yellow. The moment I open the door, the draft brings a burst of floral fragrance, along with a feeling of warmth and peace.

This looks like a beautiful family evening. I should be having dinner with my lover at this time. After dinner, we would watch TV together, talk about each other’s work, and sleep in each other’s arms.

But at this time, he is wearing all black and standing tall indoors. The light falling on him seems to encounter an impenetrable darkness, leaving only a long, deep shadow on the ground.

I suddenly raise my hand and turn on the indoor light. The dimness is driven away, and the interior becomes brighter. He is facing me, and the moment he looks at me, his eyelids rise slightly and he moves his long legs to walk toward me. “A-Zhen, are you happy today? I really missed you, why aren’t you coming in?”

When I see him walking toward me, I subconsciously take a step back. 

He pauses, lowers his eyelashes, and slowly looks me over from head to toe.

I really want to escape, but I still hold a glimmer of hope in my heart. I am still fooling myself into hoping that this is just me being neurotic and that nothing is wrong with my partner.

And I feel that my evidence was not that indestructible. There should be some room to maneuver, right?

So I resist the urge to run away, and stand at the door smiling at him as I say: “Mingcheng, I want you to come over and hug me.”

He gives me a deep look, but seems happy with my request. His pair of long eyebrows rise, and he walks toward me briskly.

I smile and open my arms to him, waiting for his embrace. And just when he comes over to hold me, I suddenly step into the room and quickly close the door behind me.

“A-Zhen?”

He calls to me from outside the door, and I clasp my hands together. Recalling what the old divine attendant taught me, I silently recite three times: “Please don’t come to my house.”

It seems quiet outside the door.

The hanging clock in my home is an old-fashioned Western clock, and I can still hear the clicking sound when the second hand moves. 

One second. Two seconds. The sound of the clock moving is nearly consistent with my heartbeat.

“Mingcheng?” I stare straight at the door.

There is no movement outside the door.

He seems to have really disappeared.

I don’t know if this is a good thing or a sorrowful thing.

After a few minutes, I finally can’t bear it anymore. Even though I know the peephole is backwards, I lean down to look out.

The peephole is dark, but the sun hasn’t set outside. A second later, there comes the sound of a key being turned in the door.

I take a few steps back and watch him push open the door and walk in without any hindrance. He throws the key onto the small mini bar next to the door and looks at me a little aggrievedly. “I don’t like this joke.”

Being kicked out of the house had no effect on him. 

This puts me a bit at a loss. What does this mean?

Does it mean that I’m actually wrong? Or was kicking him out not enough?

I am in a confused state of mind.

I’m so ignorant about this, and I don’t know what to do.

He walks to my side and gently holds my chin, tilting my face up to look at him.

I see the slight frown on his face and the hurt feelings in his eyes: “Your attitude toward me today is so strange. Did somebody say something to my A-Zhen? But I am your lover, why don’t you believe in me? If there is anything you don’t believe about me, why haven’t you told me?”

“…..I don’t know if I should believe you…..” I don’t trust him, but I also hope that he is Mingcheng and our family is safe and sound.

The two emotions fight against each other, and I’m a mess inside.

Once again, I choose to tell him my suspicions.

But this time, there is a choice.

I only ask him about the basement and the doll, and also ask him why he had to go to that small country.

But this time, he doesn’t answer me after listening.

“I thought you loved me the most and could trust me unconditionally…..”

“I might be a little sad…..”

He gently touches my face with his fingers. After half a minute, he reluctantly lets me go and says calmly: “Let’s sleep separately tonight. Maybe you need to calm down.”

After saying that, he kisses my forehead as intimately as usual.

This move puts me in a daze again, because it is exactly the same as the Mingcheng I know.

He goes.

I watch him go to the bedroom on his side and close the door. He doesn’t come out again.

. . . . . . .

We went to university together when we were eighteen years old, the most passionate age. Valentine’s Day during our freshman year was our first time. From then on, we moved out of school and lived together. For many years to come, other than when I willfully kicked him out of the bedroom when we quarreled, we never separated. And he never offered to sleep separately.

His behavior makes me panic, and I begin to uncontrollably doubt myself again.

Perhaps there is really no problem with him, and my repeated questioning made him sad.

I hurt the feelings between us.

This realization makes my heart ache.

But what is the problem?

Time passes by as I lay on the bed, and I figure I am destined to get no sleep this night.

I toss and turn until midnight and can’t sleep anymore, so I decide to get up and go to the courtyard to calm down.

But I see him on the sofa in the living room.

He sits alone on the sofa with a glass of water in front of him that is already cold. It is unknown how long he’s been sitting there.

I look at his figure and feel pain in my heart: “Mingcheng.”

He raises his head to look at me, and seems to smile at me in the darkness.

My eyes uncontrollably begin to sting a bit, so I allow myself to walk up to him and hold his head in my arms.

I don’t know what to say, and he also doesn’t ask me to explain. Instead, he makes me sit down on the sofa with some slight force.

I lay on the sofa with my head in his lap, looking up at his face.

This time it is him holding my head.

His fingers are cool and smooth, caressing my face affectionately and squeezing my earlobes.

We look at each other in the dark night, and he smiles at me with his rich and beautiful features, leaning toward my ear: “What do you call me?”

My eyes are sore, and my face is a little hot. “Husband.”

In the darkness, he seems to laugh. Before I can look at him, he places his palm over my eyes and says to me in a very soft voice, like he is coaxing a child to sleep: “Go to sleep.”

This sentence seems to have some magical power, and I actually fall asleep.

When I wake up again, I find myself still lying on the sofa, covered with a soft quilt.

It is eight o’clock in the morning. Mingcheng has gone to work again.

I don’t know if he slept last night, and don’t know what kind of sleep he got.

Maybe he stayed up all night and is working at the company with an exhausted body today. Or maybe he doesn’t need to sleep at all and isn’t at the company at this time…..

Doubt is a very tiring human emotion. It is even more torturous for a person who is not in a very good mental state, not to mention that the person I suspect is the person I share a bed with and have the most intimate relationship with in the world.

That title I called out embarrassed me to say out loud.

I sit on the sofa until ten o’clock in the morning.

I decide to verify it one last time. As long as there is nothing wrong with my lover this time, I will never doubt him again, no matter how strange he is.

I go back to the bedroom, find my mobile phone, and dial the number again.

“Golden god attendant…..”

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Chapter 8 << Table of Contents >> Chapter 10