Pancreatic cancer. I had only heard of it before, but never seen it, and didn’t know that this disease was so cunning. It could impersonate many diseases, most commonly gastrointestinal disease.

Having a loved one be seriously ill was a very common scene in TV dramas. When the protagonist heard the news, they would be sad and devastated, holding their lover and crying until their heart broke. But I actually felt none of those emotions when I heard the news.

My heart was very calm, like an empty world or a placid, dead sea.

I could even clearly feel the spring breeze blowing on my face and the warmth of the sun falling on my body.

There seemed to be a child passing by with his mother, greeting me warmly.

It was too absurd. My brain wouldn’t accept or digest the news, and my heart certainly wouldn’t respond either. “Could it be an error? I take him for a physical exam every year. We just had a physical exam at the beginning of last year.”

But the doctor said: “The chairman is not wrong. It is a very typical pancreatic cancer, almost in the third stage. This is how the disease is, very difficult to detect in the early stages…..”

He told me that this disease was very difficult to detect early. It could imitate many diseases that were not easily taken seriously, and the most common one was gastrointestinal disease. It only took half a year to go from the early stage to the late stage, and life and death were just a matter of seconds.

I could take him for treatment as soon as possible, but the so-called treatment was not to cure the disease and prolong life, but to reduce the pain of the patient in his last days.

It was as if my numb brain was finally starting to connect with the world, gradually understanding and digesting information.

Different from the scenery that would often appear on TV, heaven would not block out the sun with heavy rain because of someone’s tragedy.

On the contrary, the weather that day was very good. Spring was in full bloom, the sun was shining brightly in the sky, and the branches and leaves of the landscape trees beside the road gently swayed with the wind. The light that fell on them was shattered to pieces, and the light and shadow on the ground moved with the wind like the gleaming reflection of a lake.

The spring light also fell on me generously, but nerves and hormones rushed through my body with magma-like signals, burning my body and my soul. I couldn’t feel the world outside of myself.

I took the report out of my bag and looked at it all on the street. A few pieces of wedding candy I had selected in the morning fell to the ground due to my movements, but I had no time to care about them. People coming and going looked at me in bewilderment.

I tried to find evidence of a mis-diagnosis, but I could find nothing.

“Mincheng?”

He called me from behind, and my whole body froze. I heard him, but I didn’t look back.

I spoke to him in a calm voice. I told him I was going to buy something, and notified the driver at home to pick him up. I asked him to wait here for a while, and then ran to the hospital as if running away.

I abandoned him, and didn’t dare to look back.

I was afraid that he would notice something off about me, afraid of seeing his clueless face.

It seemed that if I could escape, he would be hale and healthy out of my sight.

Starting from noon that day, I did not go home for two consecutive days. I found the top experts in the country and invited some heavyweight researchers from abroad. They studied his medical records for a long time and told me tactfully that the five-year survival rate for the advanced stage disease was only 3%. With some hard work, he may be able to prolong his life for a while.

But there was no hope for a cure.

This was the malevolence of heaven, and humans had no way to resist.

After a few days, I finally went home.

It was evening, and there were no lights on at home. He was huddled on the sofa alone, watching TV. The light and shadow of the television flickered on and off his face. He looked desolate and lonely.

The sound of me opening the door caught his attention. He paused. His eyes moved from the TV to me, and he ran to me barefoot in pleasant surprise. “Why are so many things happening in the company suddenly? Have you rested well these days?”

I was like a machine. My body skillfully made various expressions and movements, but my soul was numb and unfeeling.

I stretched out my arms to him. He looked at me for a moment and then took the initiative to hug me. A hand touched my chin, and there was a worried look on his face. “You don’t seem to have shaved, Mingcheng. I don’t think you look right. Is something wrong?”

I shook my head, grabbed the hand that was touching my face, and kissed it. I said with a smile on my face and a helpless expression: “Nothing’s wrong. I was just in such a hurry to come back and see you.”

He continued to watch me when I was changing clothes. I knew that he was worried about me.

In order to keep him from noticing, all of my actions seemed perfectly natural.

I just didn’t know why the cold water splashed on my face made my eyes sting.

“Mingcheng?” Suddenly, he walked to my side.

I took out some face towels and wiped my face, smiling at him normally. After so many years, my smile should be perfect: “What’s wrong? Are you hungry? What do you want to eat in a while?”

I wiped the water off my face while talking to him. There was no smile on his face. I wanted to ask him if he was unhappy, if he was angry because I hadn’t been home in several days, but he suddenly reached out and touched the skin beneath my eyes.

“Mingcheng, you’re crying. Why?”

When these words sounded, my throat suddenly swelled and became blocked. I couldn’t speak for a long time.

Slowly, I turned my eyes to look at myself in the mirror.

The man in the mirror had a gentle smile on his face. Even his eyes were smiling, and the tears seemed to have fallen by mistake. They looked disharmonious on this face, as if a painter had made an error, but they really existed.

A-Zhen took the trouble to wipe away my tears. After a long while, I said calmly: “The water was too cold. It got into my eyes.”

I probably gave myself away, because my speaking voice was very ugly, like it had been scoured by sand hundreds of times, making it tattered and hoarse.

After that, I pretended to work normally and went out every day, coming home after five o’clock in the evening.

He must have thought I was at work, but in fact, I had been going back and forth to various hospitals at home and abroad during the day.

I took him to see many doctors on the pretext of treating gastrointestinal problems, but in the end, I found nothing.

It was too late. Too late. A life could be exchanged for money, but fate could not be changed. No matter how much money was invested, it could only be extended for a short period of time.

This was the answer I received.

I began to despair. Where he couldn’t see me, I became irritable and full of rage, breaking things at every turn. I lost the gentleness he liked and turned into the kind of person he despised.

I really couldn’t figure it out. Why were the heavens so malicious toward me?

Why did they allow him to get this disease?

The doctor told me: “There are many reasons why people get sick. Did he have pancreatitis before? Does he have the habit of smoking or drinking? Does he have any relatives who are sick? There is also emotion. If the patient is in a poor mood for a time, that may be a cause. There is a saying that disease comes from the heart, and of course there is also the saying that fate plays tricks on people……”

He did not have pancreatitis, and did not smoke or drink. Did the disease come from the heart, or was it caused by nature?

He had done no evil, and retribution should not befall him.

That night, I no longer hid my pain, and it could be said that I could no longer hide it anymore. I burst into tears quietly in front of him at the dinner table.

Because I refused to tell him the reason, he gave up questioning me in the end and silently poured me a drink.

He poured white wine into a crystal-clear glass and handed it to me, curving his lips in a faint smile. There were no lights on that day, only a nightlight on the table. His face looked exceptionally white and clear, like all that remained of the light in this world.

“I noticed that something was wrong with you the day you came back. Although you refuse to tell me, I’m very pleased that you are willing to show me your sadness.”

“Mingcheng, I understand your unwillingness to tell me. There were times when I was very sad, but unfortunately, I didn’t tell you at that time. I regret it very much.” He poured himself a glass of wine too.

I subconsciously wanted to stop him, but looking at his calm face, I gave up in the end.

He finished his glass of wine and said to me: “It is very precious to walk out of dark times with a loved one by your side. I should have told you then.”

“Mingcheng, I’m telling you now. Can you tell me your sad things too?”

For a long while, he told me a story in which we were the protagonists.

“You spent seven years with me in Russia. I never told you the reason why I dropped out of school. Now that I think about it, it wasn’t fair to you. Actually, it was because of that incident when we were still young. I couldn’t get out for a while…..”

The records of our room rental and photos were sent to his home. The Wei family parents were very conservative, and he was the most beloved son in the family. The Wei family parents didn’t celebrate the Lantern Festival that night, and he hid in his room for a long time while his parents quarreled fiercely outside.

“It was a long time before I could forget the disappointed look in their eyes when they looked at me. I took those photos back to my room and lit a fire to burn them, but the smell of smoke drew the attention of the auntie at home. I was pulled out and beaten by my dad again. He called me a person with no dignity in front of the whole family and the auntie, and I was so humiliated that I couldn’t face anyone in the family. He was so angry with me that he took heart attack pills in front of me. It was only then that I knew he had a heart disease.”

He smiled bitterly. The smile was fleeting, and he lowered his eyes to fill our two wine glasses again.

“My mother said that he had been ill for a long time, and never told me because he was afraid that I would be worried. My dad loved me very much, but he didn’t speak gently to his children. Every scolding word he gave me made me have nightmares for a long time. Back then, I felt so desperate that I wanted to jump off a building and die, but I really couldn’t bear to let go of you.”

He got up and approached me, sitting down next to me. “I was probably in shock at that time. Young, and without much experience. When I looked at the photos from the school cameras, I felt like everyone at school knew, and they were all mocking and despising us. Now that I think about it, I was actually worrying too much. There weren’t that many people in the world who were paying attention to me.”

“But I’ve never been a lovable person. You know that my classmates in school despised me after playing with me for a while. I was really afraid of seeing other peoples’ disgusted eyes aimed at me. I probably had depression during that time, but I didn’t know what it was back then…..”

He seemed to have really come out to tell the story of his past, but every word shocked me on the spot. One by one, they were like slaps to my face, bundles of arrows piercing my heart, smashing it into bloody pieces. 

This was the first time I understood the harm I had done to him. I really wanted to apologize to him and say that it wasn’t his fault. They didn’t hate you, they liked you. It was all my fault. I was the hateful one, the vicious one.

But I had no way to say it anymore. To this day, I could no longer expose my lies and dared not take off my disguise.

He apologized to me instead, wiping my tears with his hands: “I wanted to flee to a place where no one knew or hated me. I was too immature and weak, so I had to drop out of school. I’m sorry. I know you wouldn’t have dropped out of school if you hadn’t been with me. You should have gone to the best economics and management school, and not gone through so much hardship with me.”

“My father died later, and my brother was injured. I wasn’t with him when he died. I didn’t even see him for the last time, and burned his works with my own hands. Every day, it really was torture.”

At this point, he cried.

I held him in my arms, and we embraced each other with affection, kissing each other with love.

He wiped our tears with his hands and said to me: “Mingcheng, all of them left me over the long years. Only you have accompanied me. I only have you, and you me. We are going to get married and spend the rest of our lives together, so…..let me bear your pain with you. Can you tell me what happened? No matter what it is, I will accompany you to the end.”

When he said these words to me, he showed me his sincerity, but I didn’t dare look him in the eye, so I covered his eyes and kissed his lips.

You can tell me your pain, but I can’t do the same. I don’t deserve it.

In your life, I am the one who caused you the most pain.

I remembered that my dad once told me he regretted not strangling me to death, and I felt the same regret. 

It was Wei Zhizhen’s misfortune to fall in love with me.

. . . . . . .

This disease worsened very quickly. No matter how expensive the injections were, they only relieved him of pain. He was losing weight day by day, vomiting day and night, and even vomited blood and fainted.

Scientific methods had failed, so I began to pray to God and worship Buddha.

No one knew better than me that this was useless, but every time a charlatan was recommended to me, I was still willing to believe. 

In the past few months, I invited the Fox Fairy and the Queen Mother of Xishan, begged for life from the gods, and even went to the ancestral graves at home.

Without any suspense, they all failed.

Then one time, a very capable Confucian scholar in the circle gave A-Zhen boiled talisman water to drink. After he drank it, he vomited violently on the spot. In a fury, I pulled out the Chinese Anzhai knife from the table and pressed it against the scholar’s neck. 

He knelt down and begged for mercy, telling me: “Mr. Wen, I am not deceiving you. I really can do it. Real estate boss Zhao drank my water and lived for another three years. I really didn’t expect Mr. Wei’s situation, but my shifu is very capable. My shifu is better than me. Let me go, let me go and I will take you to see him. He can change fate, it’s true.”

So I met a fake monk. His name was Mei Yin. It was said that the legitimate monk was very talented in his early years, but later practiced evil skills by chance and was kicked out by the other disciples. 

This man wavered between good and evil, but he was mine and A-Zhen’s turning point.

I didn’t believe him at that time, so I tossed him a case of money just as I had those scholars.

He looked at the banknotes in the case and smiled at me: “You are the most generous customer I have ever met.”

He took out a pill and handed it to me, telling me to go back and give it to A-Zhen.

I took it and said to him: “Master, you had better tell your own fortune first. If my lover eats this and something bad happens to him, I will kill you.”

He smiled and nodded: “No problem.”

This elixir gave me hope. 

At that time, A-Zhen had already received so many injections, relying on the million-to-one chance of miracle drugs. But in my opinion, they were actually painkillers to maintain his life. These injections were made by the research team I hired. The injections were given once a week, and as long as they continued, he seemed to regain health and become a normal person within a few days.

Even he himself thought he had a minor illness such as gastroenteritis, which easily relapsed, and it would be fine if he took the injections on time.

I didn’t dare tell him the truth about his pancreatic cancer, and continued to lie to him about his gastrointestinal problems. And he believed me.

But then the medicine began to wear off, and he couldn’t eat for several days.

I felt that he may have begun to doubt his condition as well. 

I was desperate, so when I got home, I pressured him to take the elixir semi-forcefully.

When he swallowed painfully, I expertly placed my hand on his mouth, prepared for him to vomit. But he didn’t.

He slept.

I knelt on one knee beside the bed and gazed at him. I feared that his heartbeat would suddenly stop, so I kept my palm on his chest.

Nearly ten hours passed like this before he woke up.

His face actually looked rosy. The bloodshot eyes caused by the disease had vanished, and he appeared energetic.

Changed from the life-threatening weakness from a few days ago, he blinked and looked at me, smiling as he said: “Mingcheng, it’s so nice to see you when I wake up in the morning.”

He reached out and hugged my neck, ruffling my hair mischievously: “What should we eat this morning? I’m so hungry.”

I made him breakfast doubtfully, a light bowl of vegetable porridge.

However, he no longer had difficulty swallowing like he had in the past few days, and looked very hungry. After a few sips, he asked me for more.

There was nothing to be afraid of now, so I gave him what he wanted, and cooked whatever he wanted to eat.

That day, I watched with my own eyes as he ate three normal meals. He even ate some fruit, and slept normally at night.

He was in this state every day afterward. His cheeks, which had been thin before, began to grow flesh, and even the doctors were shocked speechless by his condition.

Although it was a pity that this situation lasted less than half a month, it gave me great hope.

I found Master Mei Yin, and this time, I intended to change fate.

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Chapter 33 << Table of Contents >> Chapter 35