Pancreatic cancer. I had only heard of it before, but never seen it, and didn’t know that this disease was so cunning. It could impersonate many diseases, most commonly gastrointestinal disease.

Having a loved one be seriously ill was a very common scene in TV dramas. When the protagonist heard the news, they would be sad and devastated, holding their lover and crying until their heart broke. But I actually felt none of those emotions when I heard the news.

My heart was very calm, like an empty world or a placid, dead sea.

I could even clearly feel the spring breeze blowing on my face and the warmth of the sun falling on my body.

There seemed to be a child passing by with his mother, greeting me warmly.

It was too absurd. My brain wouldn’t accept or digest the news, and my heart certainly wouldn’t respond either. “Could it be an error? I take him for a physical exam every year. We just had a physical exam at the beginning of last year.”

But the doctor said: “The chairman is not wrong. It is a very typical pancreatic cancer, almost in the third stage. This is how the disease is, very difficult to detect in the early stages…..”

He told me that this disease was very difficult to detect early. It could imitate many diseases that were not easily taken seriously, and the most common one was gastrointestinal disease. It only took half a year to go from the early stage to the late stage, and life and death were just a matter of seconds.

I could take him for treatment as soon as possible, but the so-called treatment was not to cure the disease and prolong life, but to reduce the pain of the patient in his last days.

It was as if my numb brain was finally starting to connect with the world, gradually understanding and digesting information.

Different from the scenery that would often appear on TV, heaven would not block out the sun with heavy rain because of someone’s tragedy.

On the contrary, the weather that day was very good. Spring was in full bloom, the sun was shining brightly in the sky, and the branches and leaves of the landscape trees beside the road gently swayed with the wind. The light that fell on them was shattered to pieces, and the light and shadow on the ground moved with the wind like the gleaming reflection of a lake.

The spring light also fell on me generously, but nerves and hormones rushed through my body with magma-like signals, burning my body and my soul. I couldn’t feel the world outside of myself.

I took the report out of my bag and looked at it all on the street. A few pieces of wedding candy I had selected in the morning fell to the ground due to my movements, but I had no time to care about them. People coming and going looked at me in bewilderment.

I tried to find evidence of a mis-diagnosis, but I could find nothing.

“Mincheng?”

He called me from behind, and my whole body froze. I heard him, but I didn’t look back.

I spoke to him in a calm voice. I told him I was going to buy something, and notified the driver at home to pick him up. I asked him to wait here for a while, and then ran to the hospital as if running away.

I abandoned him, and didn’t dare to look back.

I was afraid that he would notice something off about me, afraid of seeing his clueless face.

It seemed that if I could escape, he would be hale and healthy out of my sight.

Starting from noon that day, I did not go home for two consecutive days. I found the top experts in the country and invited some heavyweight researchers from abroad. They studied his medical records for a long time and told me tactfully that the five-year survival rate for the advanced stage disease was only 3%. With some hard work, he may be able to prolong his life for a while.

But there was no hope for a cure.

This was the malevolence of heaven, and humans had no way to resist.

After a few days, I finally went home.

It was evening, and there were no lights on at home. He was huddled on the sofa alone, watching TV. The light and shadow of the television flickered on and off his face. He looked desolate and lonely.

The sound of me opening the door caught his attention. He paused. His eyes moved from the TV to me, and he ran to me barefoot in pleasant surprise. “Why are so many things happening in the company suddenly? Have you rested well these days?”

I was like a machine. My body skillfully made various expressions and movements, but my soul was numb and unfeeling.

I stretched out my arms to him. He looked at me for a moment and then took the initiative to hug me. A hand touched my chin, and there was a worried look on his face. “You don’t seem to have shaved, Mingcheng. I don’t think you look right. Is something wrong?”

I shook my head, grabbed the hand that was touching my face, and kissed it. I said with a smile on my face and a helpless expression: “Nothing’s wrong. I was just in such a hurry to come back and see you.”

He continued to watch me when I was changing clothes. I knew that he was worried about me.

In order to keep him from noticing, all of my actions seemed perfectly natural.

I just didn’t know why the cold water splashed on my face made my eyes sting.

“Mingcheng?” Suddenly, he walked to my side.

I took out some face towels and wiped my face, smiling at him normally. After so many years, my smile should be perfect: “What’s wrong? Are you hungry? What do you want to eat in a while?”

I wiped the water off my face while talking to him. There was no smile on his face. I wanted to ask him if he was unhappy, if he was angry because I hadn’t been home in several days, but he suddenly reached out and touched the skin beneath my eyes.

“Mingcheng, you’re crying. Why?”

When these words sounded, my throat suddenly swelled and became blocked. I couldn’t speak for a long time.

Slowly, I turned my eyes to look at myself in the mirror.

The man in the mirror had a gentle smile on his face. Even his eyes were smiling, and the tears seemed to have fallen by mistake. They looked disharmonious on this face, as if a painter had made an error, but they really existed.

A-Zhen took the trouble to wipe away my tears. After a long while, I said calmly: “The water was too cold. It got into my eyes.”

I probably gave myself away, because my speaking voice was very ugly, like it had been scoured by sand hundreds of times, making it tattered and hoarse.

After that, I pretended to work normally and went out every day, coming home after five o’clock in the evening.

He must have thought I was at work, but in fact, I had been going back and forth to various hospitals at home and abroad during the day.

I took him to see many doctors on the pretext of treating gastrointestinal problems, but in the end, I found nothing.

It was too late. Too late. A life could be exchanged for money, but fate could not be changed. No matter how much money was invested, it could only be extended for a short period of time.

This was the answer I received.

I began to despair. Where he couldn’t see me, I became irritable and full of rage, breaking things at every turn. I lost the gentleness he liked and turned into the kind of person he despised.

I really couldn’t figure it out. Why were the heavens so malicious toward me?

Why did they allow him to get this disease?

The doctor told me: “There are many reasons why people get sick. Did he have pancreatitis before? Does he have the habit of smoking or drinking? Does he have any relatives who are sick? There is also emotion. If the patient is in a poor mood for a time, that may be a cause. There is a saying that disease comes from the heart, and of course there is also the saying that fate plays tricks on people……”

He did not have pancreatitis, and did not smoke or drink. Did the disease come from the heart, or was it caused by nature?

He had done no evil, and retribution should not befall him.

That night, I no longer hid my pain, and it could be said that I could no longer hide it anymore. I burst into tears quietly in front of him at the dinner table.

Because I refused to tell him the reason, he gave up questioning me in the end and silently poured me a drink.

He poured white wine into a crystal-clear glass and handed it to me, curving his lips in a faint smile. There were no lights on that day, only a nightlight on the table. His face looked exceptionally white and clear, like all that remained of the light in this world.

“I noticed that something was wrong with you the day you came back. Although you refuse to tell me, I’m very pleased that you are willing to show me your sadness.”

“Mingcheng, I understand your unwillingness to tell me. There were times when I was very sad, but unfortunately, I didn’t tell you at that time. I regret it very much.” He poured himself a glass of wine too.

I subconsciously wanted to stop him, but looking at his calm face, I gave up in the end.

He finished his glass of wine and said to me: “It is very precious to walk out of dark times with a loved one by your side. I should have told you then.”

“Mingcheng, I’m telling you now. Can you tell me your sad things too?”

For a long while, he told me a story in which we were the protagonists.

“You spent seven years with me in Russia. I never told you the reason why I dropped out of school. Now that I think about it, it wasn’t fair to you. Actually, it was because of that incident when we were still young. I couldn’t get out for a while…..”

The records of our room rental and photos were sent to his home. The Wei family parents were very conservative, and he was the most beloved son in the family. The Wei family parents didn’t celebrate the Lantern Festival that night, and he hid in his room for a long time while his parents quarreled fiercely outside.

“It was a long time before I could forget the disappointed look in their eyes when they looked at me. I took those photos back to my room and lit a fire to burn them, but the smell of smoke drew the attention of the auntie at home. I was pulled out and beaten by my dad again. He called me a person with no dignity in front of the whole family and the auntie, and I was so humiliated that I couldn’t face anyone in the family. He was so angry with me that he took heart attack pills in front of me. It was only then that I knew he had a heart disease.”

He smiled bitterly. The smile was fleeting, and he lowered his eyes to fill our two wine glasses again.

“My mother said that he had been ill for a long time, and never told me because he was afraid that I would be worried. My dad loved me very much, but he didn’t speak gently to his children. Every scolding word he gave me made me have nightmares for a long time. Back then, I felt so desperate that I wanted to jump off a building and die, but I really couldn’t bear to let go of you.”

He got up and approached me, sitting down next to me. “I was probably in shock at that time. Young, and without much experience. When I looked at the photos from the school cameras, I felt like everyone at school knew, and they were all mocking and despising us. Now that I think about it, I was actually worrying too much. There weren’t that many people in the world who were paying attention to me.”

“But I’ve never been a lovable person. You know that my classmates in school despised me after playing with me for a while. I was really afraid of seeing other peoples’ disgusted eyes aimed at me. I probably had depression during that time, but I didn’t know what it was back then…..”

He seemed to have really come out to tell the story of his past, but every word shocked me on the spot. One by one, they were like slaps to my face, bundles of arrows piercing my heart, smashing it into bloody pieces. 

This was the first time I understood the harm I had done to him. I really wanted to apologize to him and say that it wasn’t his fault. They didn’t hate you, they liked you. It was all my fault. I was the hateful one, the vicious one.

But I had no way to say it anymore. To this day, I could no longer expose my lies and dared not take off my disguise.

He apologized to me instead, wiping my tears with his hands: “I wanted to flee to a place where no one knew or hated me. I was too immature and weak, so I had to drop out of school. I’m sorry. I know you wouldn’t have dropped out of school if you hadn’t been with me. You should have gone to the best economics and management school, and not gone through so much hardship with me.”

“My father died later, and my brother was injured. I wasn’t with him when he died. I didn’t even see him for the last time, and burned his works with my own hands. Every day, it really was torture.”

At this point, he cried.

I held him in my arms, and we embraced each other with affection, kissing each other with love.

He wiped our tears with his hands and said to me: “Mingcheng, all of them left me over the long years. Only you have accompanied me. I only have you, and you me. We are going to get married and spend the rest of our lives together, so…..let me bear your pain with you. Can you tell me what happened? No matter what it is, I will accompany you to the end.”

When he said these words to me, he showed me his sincerity, but I didn’t dare look him in the eye, so I covered his eyes and kissed his lips.

You can tell me your pain, but I can’t do the same. I don’t deserve it.

In your life, I am the one who caused you the most pain.

I remembered that my dad once told me he regretted not strangling me to death, and I felt the same regret. 

It was Wei Zhizhen’s misfortune to fall in love with me.

. . . . . . .

This disease worsened very quickly. No matter how expensive the injections were, they only relieved him of pain. He was losing weight day by day, vomiting day and night, and even vomited blood and fainted.

Scientific methods had failed, so I began to pray to God and worship Buddha.

No one knew better than me that this was useless, but every time a charlatan was recommended to me, I was still willing to believe. 

In the past few months, I invited the Fox Fairy and the Queen Mother of Xishan, begged for life from the gods, and even went to the ancestral graves at home.

Without any suspense, they all failed.

Then one time, a very capable Confucian scholar in the circle gave A-Zhen boiled talisman water to drink. After he drank it, he vomited violently on the spot. In a fury, I pulled out the Chinese Anzhai knife from the table and pressed it against the scholar’s neck. 

He knelt down and begged for mercy, telling me: “Mr. Wen, I am not deceiving you. I really can do it. Real estate boss Zhao drank my water and lived for another three years. I really didn’t expect Mr. Wei’s situation, but my shifu is very capable. My shifu is better than me. Let me go, let me go and I will take you to see him. He can change fate, it’s true.”

So I met a fake monk. His name was Mei Yin. It was said that the legitimate monk was very talented in his early years, but later practiced evil skills by chance and was kicked out by the other disciples. 

This man wavered between good and evil, but he was mine and A-Zhen’s turning point.

I didn’t believe him at that time, so I tossed him a case of money just as I had those scholars.

He looked at the banknotes in the case and smiled at me: “You are the most generous customer I have ever met.”

He took out a pill and handed it to me, telling me to go back and give it to A-Zhen.

I took it and said to him: “Master, you had better tell your own fortune first. If my lover eats this and something bad happens to him, I will kill you.”

He smiled and nodded: “No problem.”

This elixir gave me hope. 

At that time, A-Zhen had already received so many injections, relying on the million-to-one chance of miracle drugs. But in my opinion, they were actually painkillers to maintain his life. These injections were made by the research team I hired. The injections were given once a week, and as long as they continued, he seemed to regain health and become a normal person within a few days.

Even he himself thought he had a minor illness such as gastroenteritis, which easily relapsed, and it would be fine if he took the injections on time.

I didn’t dare tell him the truth about his pancreatic cancer, and continued to lie to him about his gastrointestinal problems. And he believed me.

But then the medicine began to wear off, and he couldn’t eat for several days.

I felt that he may have begun to doubt his condition as well. 

I was desperate, so when I got home, I pressured him to take the elixir semi-forcefully.

When he swallowed painfully, I expertly placed my hand on his mouth, prepared for him to vomit. But he didn’t.

He slept.

I knelt on one knee beside the bed and gazed at him. I feared that his heartbeat would suddenly stop, so I kept my palm on his chest.

Nearly ten hours passed like this before he woke up.

His face actually looked rosy. The bloodshot eyes caused by the disease had vanished, and he appeared energetic.

Changed from the life-threatening weakness from a few days ago, he blinked and looked at me, smiling as he said: “Mingcheng, it’s so nice to see you when I wake up in the morning.”

He reached out and hugged my neck, ruffling my hair mischievously: “What should we eat this morning? I’m so hungry.”

I made him breakfast doubtfully, a light bowl of vegetable porridge.

However, he no longer had difficulty swallowing like he had in the past few days, and looked very hungry. After a few sips, he asked me for more.

There was nothing to be afraid of now, so I gave him what he wanted, and cooked whatever he wanted to eat.

That day, I watched with my own eyes as he ate three normal meals. He even ate some fruit, and slept normally at night.

He was in this state every day afterward. His cheeks, which had been thin before, began to grow flesh, and even the doctors were shocked speechless by his condition.

Although it was a pity that this situation lasted less than half a month, it gave me great hope.

I found Master Mei Yin, and this time, I intended to change fate.

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Chapter 33 << Table of Contents >> Chapter 35

T/N: Soooo, this story is finished and I’ll be uploading the rest of the chapters as soon as I edit them. And I’ve also picked up another rather niche horror story, which you can look forward to soon! There are just so many great novels out there waiting to be translated that I can’t help myself!

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When I returned home from the Wei family, my father was furious.

He slapped my mother in the face and blamed her for not educating me well. He also called Mingyi and refused to let her return home that night.

Then he dragged me to the office on the first floor and slammed the door.

It was the Lantern Festival, and there was no ban on fireworks at that time. Firecrackers sounded outside, and when the fireworks bloomed, the gorgeous lights fell generously onto my home.

He hadn’t won the fight against me long ago, and today he was put on the spot with the Wei family. Naturally, he was extremely angry and frustrated.

When he beat me with a deer sinew whip, I saw that his eyes were bloodshot and the veins in his forehead and neck were pulsing. The dignity and tranquility that he had always maintained had vanished.

I let him beat me for a while. When he grew tired, I raised my hand and grasped the whip he was using. Wiping the blood from the corners of my lips with the back of my thumb, I smiled at him: “Dad, go to bed early if you’re tired.”

He gave me a dark look and said: “I regret not strangling you to death when you were a child.”

“It’s a pity that there is no medicine for regret in this world.” I stepped forward. At that time, we were about the same height. He and I were eye-level. “Dad, you have put in so much hard work that you shouldn’t have, right? Someone in this family should benefit from it, shouldn’t they?”

“I made Uncle Wei angry. Please try your best to persuade him. If he blows up, I also hope you won’t complain about it. After all, there are so many strange people and things in our family that shouldn’t be heard about by others. Besides, I think what you said is wrong…..”

“Whether they believe me or not is one thing. Whether they’ve heard it or not and what they feel after hearing it is another.”

I took the whip from his hand and tossed it away. Looking at his face brimming with fury, I unexpectedly discovered that he no longer possessed the handsomeness of his youth. A closer look revealed wrinkles, cloudy eyes, and difficulty controlling his emotions.

This suddenly reminded me of two idioms: dancing and singing from morning till night, as if drunk and entranced. 

When he was young, he was a brilliant and promising person who could make good plans and decisions. Later, he spent half his life enjoying himself in a world of drunkenness, wealth, and sex. In middle age, he was obsessed with dirty emotions and desires.

Preoccupied, he became conceited and foolish, so much so that he fell into trouble with his son, who had just grown up.

I walked past him and patted his shoulder. “Thanks for your hard work, Dad. Say goodbye to your son.”

. . . . . .

He was still useful as far as showing his old face and pleading on my behalf. When the vacation was about to end, I could meet with A-Zhen openly.

I had missed him practically day and night, but when I actually saw him, I was not as happy as I imagined.

He had lost a lot of weight and was visibly thinner. The plump flesh on his face had disappeared, his lips were lighter and paler, and his chin was thin and pointed. It was very cold that day, and his body was covered in a large down jacket, making him look very thin and fragile.

When he saw me, his eyes curved as he smiled at me. He had obviously missed me a lot, and when he smiled, his eyes sparkled. “Mingcheng.”

But I couldn’t smile.

My heart seemed to be squeezed, crushed, and torn to pieces. I also discovered for the first time that it was difficult to fake a smile if your heart hurt.

The reason why I was so good at pretending before was that back then, I didn’t have a heart.

A person without a heart would not feel pain. I rarely felt pain, and of course I would not feel sad after being beaten and scolded by my father.

But he should not.

His family was happy and harmonious, and his parents loved him very much. He should go home and enjoy the Mid-Autumn Festival with his family. Eating food cooked by his mother should occupy his mouth every day, his cheeks plump, happy and healthy.

And he shouldn’t spend the holidays in a tense family atmosphere like mine. He shouldn’t be so thin and pale.

Why was this happening?

Why had he become like this?

This wasn’t right.

I seemed to have done something wrong…..

That day, I took him to visit many of his favorite places in the city and to eat his favorite foods. He always had a smile on his face. As before, he would take a few bites of the snacks that he liked, and would secretly touch something else he was interested in.

When he was eating, I paid special attention to his appetite. Perhaps because he had just had snacks, he didn’t eat much, but his appetite seemed to be good and he finished everything I gave him.

At that time, I only felt that the feeling of sadness was the most painful thing in the world, so I was afraid that he would be sad and wanted to make him happy. 

He could eat, drink, and be happy, and I could finally relax some of my worries.

It was in the evening that I realized something was wrong with him.

While waiting for drinks at a coffee shop, we encountered two people, one of whom recognized us and came to say hello.

“Eh? Wei Zizhen? Are you Wei Zizhen?” 

His words drew my attention to him, and I quickly remembered who he was. In high school, this was the classmate who always begged to copy A-Zhen’s homework, and one of the few I didn’t give the time of day.

A-Zhen looked at him for a moment and recognized who he was. “Is it you, Zhan Yan? Long time no see. Where are you studying at university now?”

Zhan Yan walked toward us with a cup of steaming coffee and a smile on his face, but as soon as he took a step, he was yanked by his companion.

It seemed that he had used too much force, and the coffee in his hand was almost spilled.

I saw him turn back in confusion as his companion said to us: “Sorry for the disturbance, he’s studying abroad and I’m in the north. We still have some things to do, so we’ll talk again when there’s time.”

Having said this, he took the other person away.

I recognized the speaker. He was indeed in the same university as us. However, due to business problems some time ago, his family business was suppressed by the Wen family and was forced to withdraw from Yuhua. I couldn’t remember very much.

After they left, our coffee was ready. I went to pick up the food and left with A-Zhen.

On the way back, he kept sipping the cup of hot coffee with his eyes lowered. The steaming heat condensed into small water droplets on his eyelashes. I was afraid he would be burned, and went to blow on his drink to cool it down.

But I had just taken the cup and blown on it a few times when his face, which was still smiling, suddenly changed. After a few steps, he ran to the roadside and vomited while holding onto a tree.

Since he hadn’t eaten yet, he could only spit up the half cup of coffee he drank.

I quickly helped him up and went to buy drinking water for him to rinse his mouth.

He rested on a roadside seat for a long time. I was worried that he had eaten something bad and wanted to take him to the hospital, but he put his arms around me and refused to call a taxi.

“A-Zhen.” I put my chin on his head, stroked his back with my hands, and asked him if he felt uncomfortable.

No matter what I asked, he said no. I noticed his depressed mood, so I took off my outer layer and covered him up, staying with him quietly for a while.

It was getting dark. The street lights came on, and he suddenly said calmly: “Mingcheng, I want to drop out of school.”

I was stunned. “What?”

Beihua University of fine arts was the top in the country, and it was A-Zhen’s dream in high school. He had ultimately gotten into it.

I wanted to see his face, but it was buried in my chest as he held me tightly without letting go.

His voice was muffled, but his tone was very relaxed, as if talking about something insignificant. “It’s just…..I think this is also good. I want to go outside to look around, and I think it would be good to study abroad like Zhan Yan. Russia, for example. Russian oil paintings have always been very amazing…..”

“You will miss home.” I interrupted him with a frown. He had never left home before going to university. It was not like I hadn’t seen all of his discomfort during the first few days of his freshman year. “Let’s go back and think about it, okay? If you like Russian teachers, I can help you find a few. We can also go and play during the holidays, and won’t Auntie and Uncle agree? Your older brother is already involved in the company’s affairs and isn’t at home often. They won’t begrudge you…..”

“They approved,” he said abruptly.

I stroked my hand over his back.

“I told them and they said it’s up to me.”

He spoke in his usual tone, but there was warmth on my chest.

Realizing something, I forcibly lifted his face.

The moment I touched his face, I felt coolness and moisture.

I looked at my hand in shock for a few seconds.

I felt the tears covering his face.

He was crying.

. . . . . . .

He and I dropped out of school together and began our seven years of studying abroad.

So much happened in those seven years.

In the first year of studying abroad, Uncle Wei passed away.

He died unexpectedly. At a cultural exchange meeting, he had an altercation with a new-school calligrapher and suffered a heart attack, dying in anger.

Not long after his death, the eldest brother of the Wei family was injured and great changes occurred within the family.

Uncle Wei’s death truly caught people off guard. At that time, I traveled the most frequently home and abroad, and the person I had the most contact with was my uncle. In order to obtain part of the company’s shares, I went to Norway, and I happened to not be with A-Zhen.

I only found out about this once I returned to China. After that, I found out that the person who had sent someone to injure the eldest brother of the Wei family was a relative who was in decline. That relative was sent to prison, but it was difficult to save the damage suffered by the Wei family and the withering of Wei Shu.

A-Zhen burned all of his father’s works with his bare hands.

A person’s talent will arouse the envy of others. After Uncle Wei’s death, no one could protect them. My father wasn’t trustworthy, and I was only nineteen years old, lacking the power to protect the entire Wei family, so I could completely understand him.

But he didn’t go home to celebrate the New Year for several years after that, nor did he visit his father’s grave. I knew that he was guilty and in pain.

And after Uncle Wei’s funeral, Aunt Wei came to our house and hoped that my parents would agree to our engagement as soon as possible.

It seemed difficult for her to speak at that time, and I saw her embarrassment and reluctance.

I knew why she was so anxious for us to get engaged. Because the Wei family was in danger, and her eldest son was injured, so she had to do this.

Not only could she protect her youngest son, but she could also protect her home.

Before leaving, she held my hand with the intention of saying something to me, but after a long while, she said nothing.

She still liked to wear cheongsams, and when she came to my house to discuss marriage, she dressed up nicely. But when she left, I saw that the diamond earring in her right ear was backwards.

I understood more and more the importance of wealth and power.

In the following years, with the help of my uncle and the company’s shareholders, I obtained 32% of the company’s shares. When I was twenty-four years old, I became the new chairman during a shareholders meeting. The process did not need to be discussed in detail.

Our remaining years studying abroad were very smooth years for us.

By removing and appointing new company executives, as well as reforming some of the issues left behind by my father, I eliminated most of the old guard while acquiring nearly half of the company’s shares.

The eldest brother of the Wei family married after recovering from his injury, and the family property was well-organized under the care of that couple. A-Zhen showed amazing talent at oil painting. After graduating with a master’s degree, he returned to Beihua again, this time as a teacher.

He had made great achievements in oil painting and was well-known in the circle. After one year of employment, he was promoted to associate professor.

When he was twenty-six years old, A-Zhen said that he no longer wanted me to be his boyfriend. He wanted to marry me.

That day, I had bought a few bouquets from the flower shop on my way back from work, intending to put them in his studio as decorations. But when I got home, he snatched away my flowers and said to me: “Let’s get married, Mingcheng. I think we should call each other something else. I wanted to wait for you to say it to me, but you are too patient.”

This took me entirely by surprise. For a moment, it seemed like all the beauty in the world was blooming before my eyes.

That day, I was so impatient that I traveled to several cities overnight. At dawn, I proposed to him with a diamond ring I had bought with difficulty.

He laughed at the size of the diamond being too big and looking nouveau riche, and told me to find a good-looking pair when we married. But despite saying that, he let me put it on him.

His hands were beautiful, his fingers as pale and slender as the whites of onions. There was a bit of sky blue oil paint on his little finger, and the diamond on his finger sparkled, as beautiful as the oil paintings he created.

I could feel his warm flesh and well-proportioned bones at the joints as I held them in my hands.

I couldn’t help but kiss the back of his hand.

After the two families sat together to discuss marriage, our nearly ten-year love affair came to a resolution. 

I was happy for a long time. In those days, I told everyone I met that I was getting married and hoped they could come to my wedding.

When they received my invitations, they all expressed their sincere blessings and spoke some words about wishing me and my lover a happy marriage and that we would grow old together. There were some eloquent people who spoke even more pleasantly.

I knew they flattered me because they wanted something from me, but I loved to hear it.

I had heard those blessings hundreds of times at other peoples’ weddings, and found them particularly pleasant to my ears.

So everything went according to plan, and everything seemed to be developing for the better.

A-Zhen and I bought a house together. We decorated our wedding room together, prepared various things needed for the wedding, tasted various wedding candies, and wrote wedding invitations together.

We had a premarital physical examination together.

This physical examination was conducted at the Wen family hospital. I didn’t care too much, because we had physicals at the beginning of each year and I had a pretty good idea of both of our physical conditions. My health was very good, and so was A-Zhen’s, but he couldn’t help eating casually. He had gastrointestinal discomfort after eating too much cold food some time ago, but after I got him to eat regularly and take medicine on time, he could now eat and drink completely fine.

As expected, the doctor inspected him and asked about A-Zhen’s stomach problems, then handed me the forms: “There are no problems. I wish you both a happy wedding.”

On the way back, A-Zhen wanted to buy tiramisu from a Russian dessert shop in the city. We parked the car in front of the store, and he raised his fair eyebrows and smiled at me: “This store is actually a bit rough, but this rough feeling is truly Russian. Remember that tiramisu in the canteen?”

Of course I remembered. The person who made that dessert was a middle-aged woman. She was tall, with a bold personality, and had short, wild blond hair. She never rounded out her tiramisu.

I couldn’t help but smile when I thought of her. “Let’s go back to school and see her after we get married.”

A-Zhen said: “Okay, ah, we still have a log house in St. Petersburg…..”

He was wearing light-colored clothes and trousers, beaming with joy. There was a circle of light green around the collar of his top, his whole person like a ring of flowers blooming in spring, all of him filled with light and abundant vitality.

As soon as he entered the store, I received a call.

“Hello.”

“Hello, Chairman. It’s me, Doctor Wang. Is your lover still by your side?” His title immediately informed me that he was the doctor who had just examined us.

The sun was very bright that day, but this sentence alone instantly made my heart sink. An ominous premonition came to mind, and my eyelids fluttered uncontrollably.

I pinched the corners of my eyes, glanced at the person selecting snacks inside the store, and took a few steps away with the phone in my hand. “Speak…..”

“It’s not a stomach disease at all, ah, it’s pancreatic cancer!”

---

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Chapter 32 << Table of Contents >> Chapter 34

The darkness ended abruptly at the moment the horizon turned fish-belly white, and the remaining silence gradually dispersed in the cool morning air.

A thin figure stood barefoot in the center of the room, and there seemed to be some inexplicable confusion on his face.

How did he get here?

Why was he……alone again?

Uncertain, he looked for the bathroom, confirmed that it was empty, then turned around and went out.

“Chuzhou?”

“Chuzhou, are you here?”

The empty, spacious house practically squeezed an echo from his voice, but there was no response.

He was really the only one in the house.

He couldn’t help but frown, and returned to the bedroom again. His gaze swept between the bed and the cabinet, and then he bent down to feel under the pillow.

There was nothing.

How could it not be here?

He flipped over the two pillows, lifted the quilt, and searched the entire bed, including underneath it.

Then there were the sofa and coffee table in the living room, the kitchen counters, the bathroom shelves, the dirty clothes rack, the laundry machine…..

Nothing.

Where was his cell phone?

What should he do if he didn’t have it?

He stood there at a loss. After a while, he returned to his senses and went back to the bedroom to change clothes, then walked out of the house empty-handed.

It was late in the morning for the people of Wancheng, and it was already bright, but there were only a few sporadic breakfast shops along the way. Steam could be seen rising in the distance.

It took Pei Xi nearly an hour to walk from home to the He Group building.

The receptionist noticed his arrival with keen eyes, which lit up. He immediately stood and watched him attentively the whole way. “President Pei, are you looking for President He?”

Pei Xi didn’t know why he had called him ‘President Pei,’ but he still nodded: “En.”

The receptionist: “President He is currently in a morning meeting. Do you think you can wait for a while, or will you go up directly?”

Pei Xi: “He’s in a meeting?”

The receptionist gave a professional smile: “Yes, there is about twenty minutes left.”

Pei Xi considered for a moment, then said: “I’ll wait for him to finish first.”

That said, he turned around and went to the rest area.

The receptionist and the colleague beside him exchanged a mutually understanding look. The latter immediately got up to prepare hot tea, while the former dutifully handed over the news of Pei Xi’s arrival as soon as he could.

Important matters must be prioritized, and this important news could not be delayed.

He Group was rich and imposing, and the hospitality tea prepared in the lobby was all first-class.

Pei Xi had been blown the entire way by the cool autumn breeze, and when he held the cup of hot tea, he felt the temperature of his hands slowly warming up.

He initially thought he would have to wait the full twenty minutes, but unexpectedly, after taking a few sips of tea, the person he wanted to see magically appeared in front of him.

“Chuzhou.”

His eyes brightened slightly, and the end of his tone quietly rose: “Don’t you still have a meeting? Why did you come down so fast?”

“It ended. There wasn’t much content in today’s morning meeting.” As he spoke, He Chuzhou covertly observed his expression.

Sure enough, he was confused again.

It seemed that his preparations were not in vain.

“Have you had breakfast?” He Chuzhou asked as he sent a message to a person he had just added to his contacts the day before.

Pei Xi shook his head: “No.”

He Chuzhou: “Is there anything you want to eat?”

Pei Xi: “Anything is fine.”

“Okay,” He Chuzhou responded. After making an appointment with the person on the other end of the line, he put his phone away and set out: “Let’s go, I’ll take you to eat first.”

Pei Xi set down his teacup and stood obediently.

As the two figures vanished into the elevator, a few heads peeked out from behind the computers at the front desk. They exchanged glances, and there seemed to be some tacit understanding in the crisp sounds of the keyboards:

[Good news! President Pei took the initiative to come to President He!]

[Good news! President Pei had a good attitude toward President He!]

[Good news! President He has hope of pursuing his wife!]

[Good news! The two are going to the Civil Affairs Bureau!]

[Good…..huh? Combining gossip with reality and spreading rumors is prohibited!]

*

*

After breakfast, Pei Xi thought they would go directly back to the company. But unexpectedly, the car drove in the opposite direction before stopping at last in front of a private hospital.

Pei Xi: “……”

Pei Xi pursed his lips: “Chuzhou, even though I ran away from home again, there’s no need for you to send me to the doctor, right? It’s only that I’m untrustworthy, not mentally ill.”

“What are you thinking about?”

He Chuzhou was amused by his train of thought, and unbuckled his seatbelt: “Naturally, I didn’t bring you to the hospital because you ran away from home, but because you—”

He Chuzhou: “…….”

Pei Xi couldn’t wait for the second half of the sentence, and took the initiative to ask: “Because I what?”

“……Because of the appointment for your annual physical.”

He Chuzhou got out of the car and went around to the passenger seat to open the door for him: “Let’s go. It’s arranged for ten o’clock, don’t be late.”

Annual physical?

Pei Xi couldn’t locate the relevant memory in his brain. He asked He Chuzhou as they entered the hospital gates: “A physical? Why don’t I remember making an appointment?”

“You just don’t remember. I made the appointment for you.”

He Chuzhou called the phone at the nurse’s station, and someone quickly took them to the specialist’s office upstairs.

When they pushed open the door and walked in, there was a kindly-faced female doctor around forty years old sitting behind a computer. She was Wu Qing’s distant cousin.

She asked who the patient was and entered the ID number into the computer. After she pressed Enter, her expression revealed a bit of surprise: “Didn’t Mr. Pei come in for a checkup not long ago?”

Pei Xi looked puzzled.

He Chuzhou immediately knew that Pei Xi had come here himself when he was in his right mind, but this was not suitable for Pei-calico to know: “Doctor, doesn’t a physical examination start with measuring blood sugar?”

The doctor had already taken a rough scan of Pei Xi’s examination report. Looking at Pei Xi’s expression again, she made up her mind and cooperatively made a list: “Right, let’s have your blood drawn to test your blood sugar first. The nurse specialist at the door will take you there.”

Pei Xi took the list: “But I’ve already had breakfast. Won’t that affect it?”

The doctor said with a smile: “It’s not a big deal. We’ll do the tests first.”

Once Pei Xi went out, the doctor immediately pulled out the X-rays and results from his last examination and showed them to He Chuzhou in detail.

Some of the terminology was too technical for He Chuzhou to understand, but that didn’t delay his understanding of the key points: “So it’s normal for him to be like this over and over again?”

The doctor: “Of course it isn’t normal. It’s just one of the side effects of brain damage, although it’s a bit more peculiar than others.”

He Chuzhou: “It won’t affect his health?”

“It won’t.” The doctor affirmed: “You can think of it as the disconnected areas of his brain being repaired and reconnected. The connections will occasionally be faulty. You need to give it more time.”

He Chuzhou considered this: “Is there a medication or something that can speed up the healing process?”

The doctor shook her head: “There is no such medication at the moment. Don’t worry, it will slowly heal on its own, but there is one thing you must pay special attention to.”

He Chuzhou: “What is it?”

“The patient’s memories of normal times should not be shared with him when he is confused. If we try to force him into a normal chain of memory at this time, it may be counterproductive.”

“If conditions permit, try to go along with him. The nerves in his brain are currently more fragile than those of ordinary people, so don’t let him be stimulated.”

*

*

The scheduled physical examination ended with a blood draw and blood sugar test, and Pei Xi was still confused as they left the hospital.

“They’re not going to check anything else?”

He asked He Chuzhou: “Or is it that…..hospitals nowadays can draw blood to examine the whole body?”

He Chuzhou had his mind on other things, and gave an absent hum.

Pei Xi frowned: “When did mankind’s modern medical technology advance to this level? Have humans also moved to the moon and I just don’t know about it?”

When He Chuzhou returned to his senses and heard this sentence, he was endlessly delighted: “Don’t worry, I’m still here. I won’t leave you alone on the earth.”

Pei Xi felt a little better at this thought.

The temperature today was cooler than the day before. He was wearing a light-colored jacket over a casual shirt, his hair falling softly over his forehead.

Although there was no expression on his face, with his crystal-clear eyes, he looked particularly innocent and easy to deceive.

He Chuzhou lowered his eyes to look at him and thought about the doctor’s instructions just now. He thought to himself, did this count as going along with him?

Sometimes good and sometimes bad, delicate and finicky, sensitive and clingy.

The most important part was that no matter how good he was to him, he wouldn’t remember it. Perhaps one day he would turn against him and never come back.

Taking care of him was completely thankless.

But besides that, he realized one other thing.

They had remained at the door for a long time, and when Pei Xi was about to ask if he wanted to leave, his vision suddenly dimmed as someone pinched his cheek.

“Last time, you blacklisted me because I made a mistake. In fact, it was you who threw me onto the blacklist yourself after you came to your senses. Pei-calico, you are very capable when it comes to making false accusations.”

Pei Xi didn’t know what he was talking about. 

He Chuzhou didn’t exert any force with his hand, and it didn’t hurt at all, but he still couldn’t stop that one eye from squinting. “Came to my senses? What does that mean?”

“It means, why did you just come here instead of calling me?”

He Chuzhou didn’t actually want to argue with him. He released his grip and saw that his cheek was red from being pinched, so he rubbed it twice more to remedy it: “Then you were content to wait downstairs.”

Pei Xi: “I couldn’t find my phone.”

“Your phone is missing?” He Chuzhou was a little surprised. “Last night, didn’t you……did you search your whole house?”

Pei Xi bobbed his head and lowered his voice: “I looked, but it wasn’t there.”

Hiss—

Not possible, ah.

He Chuzhou bit his cheek. He had received a courier delivery from Pei Xi the night before. It was already quite late at that time, and Pei Xi probably hadn’t gone out again.

Unless something unexpected had happened, the phone should still be at his house. It was just that Pei Xi had put it in some nook or corner, and Pei-calico never found it.

He had seen fathers trick their sons, but this was the first time he had witnessed someone tricking themselves like this.

“It doesn’t matter, I’ll go back and look with you later.”

He Chuzhou consoled him: “Next time you don’t have your phone, tell the front desk to contact me, or just go upstairs—”

As he spoke, he came to a sudden realization and paused before asking again: “Do you have cash on you?”

Pei Xi shook his head.

He Chuzhou: “Then how did you get here?”

Pei Xi: “I walked.”

……He walked here from so far away?

Didn’t his feet hurt?

He Chuzhou’s teeth ached when he heard this: “Come in a taxi, you dummy. Just call me when you get here and I’ll come down and pay for you.”

Pei Xi: “It would disturb your meeting.”

He Chuzhou: “You can ask the front desk or the security guards to pay in advance for you.”

Pei Xi: “No, I’m not familiar with them.”

He Chuzhou: “…….”

“Did……I cause you any trouble?”

Seeing that he was speechless, Pei Xi pursed his lips. There was a hint of dismay in his eyes, the bottom of which could be seen at a glance. “I’m sorry, Chuzhou.”

“Maybe I should have waited until you got off work and came back, but I don’t know what happened at that time. I was alone and just wanted to see you.”

His voice was very soft, very slow. Unaware of his muddled head, he spoke all of his thoughts frankly and honestly.

Like a newborn deer with soft antlers – no, no antlers at all, more like a soft-furred rabbit – he picked the softest part of He Chuzhou’s heart to arch his head against.

In a chain reaction, the surrounding area began to sink into silence.

“You didn’t.” After a long moment, He Chuzhou heard his own voice, which seemed as far away as his ability to breathe. 

After a pause, he repeated again: “You didn’t.”

His blood flow returned to normal, and he regained the long-lost ability to breathe.

“You didn’t cause any trouble.”

Breathing out, he stretched out his hands to cover Pei Xi’s ears and block the cool breeze, and a relaxed smile appeared in his eyes: “And to be honest, I’m not really afraid of trouble.”

It was true that he was delicate and finicky, sensitive and clingy, and that taking care of him was a thankless job.

“So in general, little friends can act coquettishly and have a bad temper here. They don’t have to be too sensible.”

But why did he need to be good?

Being adorable was just fine.

---

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Chapter 15 << Table of Contents >> Chapter 17

Unlike the Wei parents, mine had a business marriage.

Growing up, I never heard my parents argue. I thought as a child that they were loving, harmonious, and respectful to each other. Later, when I met the Wei parents, I found that this was not the case.

They were either not affectionate, or their feelings were very weak.

My mother was elegant and gentle, putting her husband and children first. Family was her career. And my father was a typical high-ranking male in control of a large family. He looked calm, kind, and polite, but was actually arrogant, cold, and contemptuous.

As a teenager, I understood that, in his eyes, his wife and children were not his equals.

He and his wife had married young for the benefits of each other’s families. She received a ladylike education from an early age and was proficient in social etiquette, taking care of family affairs and caring for her husband and children. She was a very useful tool to him, and his children were his essential assets.

Such a household could be polite and harmonious, but there was no touch of tender fatherly love.

So when I learned that he had come to me from Yuhua, I knew it could not be anything good.

Without telling A-Zhen, I went to see him myself.

And once he told me the meeting place, I understood his purpose.

Because the hotel was the one where A-Zhen and I had stayed, and it was even the same room.

However, this also puzzled me.

There were countless things to do each day regarding the Wen family property, and it was clear that we would be returning home in a few days. Could he bear it so little that he came to see me overnight from Yuhua, which was thousands of miles away?

Did this conform to common sense?

Did he value this marriage so much?

In fact, I had always been puzzled by such a marriage, because the Wen family had been a business family for generations, while the Wei family was a scholarly family. Their industry was art and literature, and a marriage between our two families may not bring much benefit to one another.

And from a practical benefits perspective, because Uncle Wei was obsessed with putting art before money, this resulted in the Wei family’s development being too modest, its assets and scale being far inferior to that of the Wen family. If anyone was really going to benefit from this marriage, it would be the Wei family. This was not in line with my father’s style.

Not only was I puzzled, but I heard my mother secretly talking with him as well.

But my father was determined to make A-Zhen his son-in-law.

I knew that Uncle Wei was his favorite calligrapher, but I didn’t think this could be the reason for the marriage. And although he was not very affectionate toward his own children, he was kind and tender to A-Zhen, someone else’s child. When he was little, my father loved holding and lifting him so much.

If not for the fact that A-Zhen looked nothing like him, I would have thought that there was some unknown secret involved.

When I opened the door, I saw him standing in front of the windows with his back turned to me. He had reached middle age, and some gray had appeared on his head over the years, which looked particularly stark among the black.

When he heard the sound of my entrance, he turned around to look at me, his temperament cold and brooding from head to foot. I raised my eyes toward him and called out: “Dad.”

He cared about image very much and was always particular about what he said and did, but this time, he was probably truly angry. He walked a few steps over, grabbed my throat, and pressed me against the door while cursing at me like he couldn’t control himself.

His anger puzzled me.

I used the back of my hand to wipe away the blood from a cut at the corner of my mouth and sincerely voice my doubts: “You can still be in-laws with your beloved calligrapher. Your favorite A-Zhen will also call you Dad. You haven’t lost anything, have you?”

He punched me. His expression was furious, his eyes burning with rage, and the muscles in his face were tense. It was a very profound anger. “You are just a monster. How can you understand human emotions? How can you understand me?”

His fists impacted my chest and stomach. Even at this time, he knew not to let outsiders see my wounds. After beating me, he wandered around the room, looking like a trapped animal.

He swept everything on the table onto the floor, then threw the broken vase on the floor onto the bed, as if he had a deep hatred for that bed. He tore up the quilt and pillows there, without a thought for his image.

The feathers from the quilt flew everywhere. It was as if the snow outside the window had fallen all over him, coating him with the vicissitudes of life, covering him in anger and embarrassment.

He had probably been catered to by too many people. Being in a high position and having received flattery for so long, once he was angry, it was intolerable and difficult to control. 

I listened to him complain about his own investment.

His tone was passionate, his hands shook as he spoke, and his expression was extremely aggrieved.

It was like a ridiculous drama.

“He is my carefully chosen child. I watched him grow up, I held him in my arms when he was little, I spent more time holding him than his biological father. How could you understand my feelings for him?”

“I watched him grow up with worry and fear, afraid that he would encounter difficulties that left him with scars, afraid that he would imitate other boys and have a bad character. With great difficulty, I watched him grow up and turn into such a beautiful and kind-hearted young man. How could you know how much effort I put into him?”

I heard what he said, but I didn’t understand the reason.

A-Zhen was not his child. Did he deserve all that hard work?

I carefully looked at him from his head to his feet, and from his feet to his head, carefully analyzing his expression and tone. I tried to decipher the emotions corresponding to his state from the psychology books and materials I had read in order to guess his motives.

So I went back to the original conjecture I had denied. “Is he your illegitimate son?”

This didn’t seem right. If he was an illegitimate child, there shouldn’t be a marriage.

As soon as I said this, my father abruptly became even angrier. He came forward and pulled my hair, slamming my head against the door.

“Sure enough, aren’t you a monster that doesn’t understand emotions? What is a bloodline, really. How could my feelings be based on something so shallow?”

What was this about?

Great philanthropism?

My scalp was bruised, and blood flowed from my forehead. It trickled into the corners of my eyes, but I looked directly at his expression, trying to obtain answers from it.

In fact, at that time, I felt that my “good father” was mentally ill. I went to see him out of curiosity, but when I looked into his eyes, I unintentionally caught an emotion.

I received an unexpected answer.

This answer almost instantly threw me into an unspeakably filthy garbage dump. The disgusting, viscous, dirty water soaked into my clothes and my pores, nearly making me sick.

“You desire. A child.”

I wasn’t wrong.

If it was according to what he said, and A-Zhen was his carefully chosen partner, then he must have had this sort of mentality back then.

At that time…..how old were we?

There was a strange emotion rising in my heart. Although this was the first time I had felt it, I knew that it was hatred.

There was surprise in his eyes for an instant, as if he hadn’t expected me to notice, but he soon calmed down again.

He picked up a bundle of papers that had been knocked to the ground and handed them to me. His tone was much more collected: “I am not as extreme as you think. I am not interested in children, I just like to watch the child grow up and keep him by my side.”

“My liking is appreciation, not indulging in vulgar desires. See, it was you who ruined him.”

This twisted, disgusting concept and perverted feelings subverted my understanding of normal peoples’ emotions.

I didn’t read the papers he handed over. The blood flowing from my head had likely stained my eyes, because the world I saw was the color of blood. He was also bloody, ugly, and twisted.

I stared straight at him, looking into his eyes for a moment. “Why did the Wei family agree to the marriage? Do they know?”

I remembered the first time we met. The docile and well-behaved child held in his arms resisted asking his own father for help, and was urged to address that person.

If they knew but agreed, then what was A-Zhen, and what were we children?

If this was human emotion, then I would rather remain an inhuman monster.

When he heard my words, his eyes suddenly turned cold. “Why? Do you intend to tell them?”

“My good son, I admit that you have gotten better in the past two years. But do you think they will believe you, a person with an emotional disorder and a suspected antisocial personality, or will they believe me?”

He threatened me, but I breathed a huge sigh of relief.

This showed that the Wei family were unaware. They were innocent.

The feeling in my heart was indescribable, almost as if I had escaped death.

Wiping the blood from my face, I raised my head to look at him. Years of disguise were carved into my bones. My heart was flooded with dirty human emotions, which had long been like turbulent waves, but my tone of voice was still calm. “Aren’t you afraid that they will find out one day?”

Perhaps it was my superficial calmness that caused him to relax his vigilance. He smiled at me and said with arrogance and a bit of taunting: “Their feelings are very ordinary, and ordinary people will be unable to understand my feelings, so of course they won’t find out. There is no use in you telling them. No one will believe you, not even your mother.”

“I came here today to tell you that you are my biological son, so I will tolerate you this time. Solve this matter well and do not let conflicts arise at home.”

He patted me on the shoulder: “Your mother thinks you’re a monster, but your improvement these past two years has made her very happy. Do not let her down.”

If I’m a monster, then what are you?

Are you qualified to call me a monster?

I grabbed his wrist and punched him as hard as I could.

On the road of my life, the first thing I learned was to cherish life. Then I learned to have feelings like normal people. I learned love first, and based on this, I had many kinds of emotions and feelings without studying.

Shyness, excitement, longing, anger, jealousy, possessiveness. And later, I also experienced fear and loss. 

Now, there was heartache and hatred.

These two negative emotions impacted my brain and took over my body, filling me with vicious and terrifying fury.

I was still a teenager at that time, and he was a grown man, but I fought violently to the point of recklessness. I didn’t feel pain, and got up quickly when I was knocked down.

Finally, I grabbed his neck and pushed him to the floor, watching his blood vessels burst as he fought to breathe.

His body struggled. His eyes were red and he gasped for breath like the fish I once killed.

Death?

This word suddenly reminded me of something.

If he died, I would pay for it with my life, and I would die too.

I abruptly let him go.

I didn’t want to die. I wanted to live.

I couldn’t bear to leave A-Zhen. I wanted to go back to him.

I missed him, and wanted to see him.

That day, I rightfully left my father there and went back by myself. 

But after I went back, there was no way to indulge in my love like I had done before.

I became worried about personal gains and losses, sometimes anxious and sometimes angry.

I didn’t know what my father would do to me when he went back, but I had to do something to protect A-Zhen and myself.

I couldn’t let him get his wish.

I considered many people those days, and finally placed my target on my maternal uncle. He had inherited the family business and always had a good relationship with my mother. He owned a large share of the Wen family and if he would help me, he would be very capable.

But I didn’t have any evidence, and he knew I wasn’t a normal child. Just like my father said, he wouldn’t believe me.

At least one piece of evidence was necessary to convince others to believe me.

If a person had filthy desires and enough money to support them, then I didn’t think he had targeted only one person. I thought he must have done other shameful things.

Once something was done, there would be traces. Someone would know about it.

I tried to find them, but couldn’t do so in such a short time.

For more than ten years, I had rarely experienced strong mood swings. In recent days, all sorts of negativity suddenly flooded my heart, causing me to fall into strong, strange emotions that I couldn’t extricate myself from.

I became very anxious, and had to keep an eye on A-Zhen at all times to feel at ease.

He was unaware of his situation, happily preparing gifts to return home.

Whenever he had time each day, he took me shopping to prepare things. When he was tired, he would secretly avoid everyone and take the initiative to hug me. Then he would raise his eyes against my chest and signal that I should hug him back.

We embraced in corners, as if this could relieve our fatigue.

At that time, he could enjoy short-term happiness, but I knew that he was very fragile and that our happiness was also very precarious.

Every day, I worried that my devil-like father would confuse the Wei family, break us up, and hurt A-Zhen.

Under this mental torture, I became extreme, unscrupulous, and desperate……

The method didn’t matter, as long as it gave me time to resist first.

“……I misjudged you.”

“All of you, get out of here!”

“Mom, Dad, I was wrong…..”

I succeeded. Uncle Wei would never agree to the marriage with Mingyi again.

But why…..

Why did my heart hurt so much?

---

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Chapter 31 << Table of Contents >> Chapter 33

“……”

“……”

The lengthy silence was finally broken by He Chuzhou: “Are you okay again?”

Pei Xi pushed his hand away and jumped off his lap. In an instant, his arms were empty, and the remaining warmth dissipated rapidly.

He Chuzhou’s fingertips curled in discomfort. He clenched his fist and put down his hand, looking at the person in front of him whose aura had suddenly changed.

……Fine.

“You came here on your own, it had nothing to do with me.”

He shelved the regrets in his heart and issued a disclaimer in advance to avoid history repeating itself: “Of course, you may not remember. After all, you were suffering from side effects and weren’t very clear-headed at the time.”

Pei Xi glanced at him, turned around, and walked out.

This condescending attitude was obviously not pleasing to the eye, but it was better than a sudden roundhouse kick.

The first time was awkward, the second time skillful. It was likely that President Pei had begun to become accustomed to facing hellish scenes as soon as he woke up.

“Ai.” He warned before this person opened the door: “The elevator outside can’t be opened without an employee card.”

Pei Xi stopped, then turned around to regard him silently.

He Chuzhou actually didn’t have any other intentions, and just wanted to inform him that he could borrow a company ID from anyone outside and they would not refuse.

But when he was looked at like this…..

It was difficult for He Chuzhou to think that just half an hour ago, this person had looked at him with these eyes and said softly that he was very good, good everywhere.

“……”

Fine, sometimes compromises and plans just changed too quickly.

Resigned to his fate, he stood up and took his work card, saying: “Let’s go, I’ll take you out.”

He Chuzhou still used the special elevator, but changed the destination from the sub-basement to the first floor. 

Seeing the other person walk in, He Chuzhou suddenly opened his mouth: “How about you and I have dinner together before you leave?”

The response he received was Pei Xi’s cold, lowered gaze, along with the elevator door slowly closing after three beeps.

“…….”

He Chuzhou cursed himself internally for being sick in the head. He turned back to his office, and had just sat down when he happened to get a video call from Wu Qing.

As soon as the call connected, what the camera caught was not Wu Qing’s big face, but a big fish with its mouth open in a silent scream.

He Chuzhou: “?”

He Chuzhou: “What are you doing? Don’t you know that after the founding of the PRC, becoming a spirit is prohibited?”

“I didn’t, I’m here!”

The fish was put down, and Wu Qing and his big white teeth appeared on the screen: “Look at this fish I just caught. It weighs 28 pounds, and it was very powerful. It took me a long time to haul it up……what’s with your expression?”

He Chuzhou’s mood was complicated: “Did you really study the Book of Changes?”^[1]

Wu Qing’s head was full of question marks: “What?”

The corners of his mouth twitched as he spoke nonsense: “It’s nothing, I just feel that if I encountered your fish, I would have to surrender.”

Wu Qing was baffled: “What are you talking about? If you want to eat it, come here. I’ll send you the location.”

“I’m busy, I won’t go.”

He Chuzhou changed the topic: “Don’t you have a distant cousin who’s a brain and mental health expert?”

Wu Qing: “Ah, what, did you slam your head in a door?”

He Chuzhou didn’t react to his nonsense: “Is she in Wancheng nowadays?”

Wu Qing: “She is, a provincial hospital just held an expert symposium.”

He Chuzhou: “Send me her contact information.”

Wu Qing gave an affirmative hum and handed the fish to someone else. He took off his gloves to send the contact info, and asked He Chuzhou: “Is there really something wrong with your head?”

He Chuzhou said perfunctorily: “En.”

Wu Qing abruptly raised his head: “The fuck? Don’t scare me!”

He Chuzhou: “But not for now.”

Wu Qing: “?”

He Chuzhou: “I’m not sure whether it will happen again in the future, so I want to be prepared.”

Wu Qing: “…..? ? ?”

Wu Qing: “This is how you prepare?”

Wu Qing: “If you have such a condition, why don’t you pick out a place with good feng shui and an urn for your ashes in advance?”

Wu Qing: “Go ahead, you dumbass.”

*

*

A third time.

How many times would this side effect occur?

Was it random, or……

No, there must be some pattern.

On the way back, Pei Xi’s brows never relaxed, and the rapidly receding buildings outside the window made him feel dizzy and uncomfortable.

He closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose with his fingertips, his mind going through everything that had happened the past few days.

The first time, he woke up in the hospital and called He Chuzhou. The second time, he called him after taking a drunken nap, and the third time he woke up at home……

Right.

Every episode of confusion occurred after waking up.

Every time, it started when he woke up.

So the pattern was……sleep?

But if that was the case, why didn’t he recover when he awoke the first time in the lounge just now?

Was there a location restriction? It must be in He Chuzhou’s arms……

No! Impossible!

He rejected this conjecture as soon as it appeared.

When he woke up the first time, He Chuzhou was clearly not in bed, but sleeping on the sofa.

Could it be that sleep was a one-way switch for his amnesia? To wake up, not only did he need to sleep, but he also needed He Chuzhou to be present?

His thoughts became increasingly chaotic, making him dizzy.

He opened his phone and checked a few unimportant missed calls, followed by several messages from Xiao Gu.

Xiao Gu didn’t dare to continue calling after the brain-addled Pei Xi hung up the phone. He carefully typed what he wanted to say into a message, and every line of words revealed the cautiousness of not knowing his boss’s mood.

Xiao Gu: [President Pei, it’s almost 3 o’clock. Do you want the afternoon meeting to start on time?]

Xiao Gu: [Are you still coming to the company?]

Xiao Gu: [I’ve postponed the meeting again. If it’s more convenient, you could reschedule it?]

It had been almost three hours since Xiao Gu sent these messages.

Looking through them, Pei Xi felt irritable, not toward Xiao Gu, but toward himself.

His disorder was so erratic that it was affecting his work, so he had to find a way to solve it quickly.

Pei Xi: [I understand.]

Pei Xi: [Notify everyone that the meeting that was canceled today will be changed to an online meeting at 8pm, and send the plans to my email in advance]

Finishing his instructions, he opened his mailbox and logged in. When the emails came up, he suddenly remembered an important thing that was almost ignored.

The rumors appeared to be false.

At least judging from what he saw and heard in He Chuzhou’s office today, the man’s ability was not low, and he differed greatly from the rumored image of an idle fool.

But why didn’t He Chuzhou ever counter this rumor?

Did he want to go with the flow and make his opponents relax their vigilance?

Pei Xi wracked his brains, but couldn’t figure out the purpose of He Chuzhou’s behavior.

When he got home, it was just past seven o’clock.

Pei Xi planned to change clothes first and take off the bracelet he had accidentally brought home again. He had been speechless for a while after hearing a certain person saying that “the second bracelet was half price.”

Everything he said was irrelevant.

It was only that he had taken away more than the bracelet from He Chuzhou this time. As soon as he removed his coat, something rolled out of his pocket, bounced, and hit the edge of the bed.

It was the rubber pig.

Glancing down, he dropped his coat. He was about to toss the pig into the trash when the softness touched his fingertips, and the awakened memory pushed him into action.

If.

He thought, if the rumors about his work ability were wrong…..

Then were there some other unclarified misunderstandings in other aspects?

At least based on what he had seen these two days, He Chuzhou had no dirty and chaotic private life. What he did most was just going out to walk the dog.

He was different from what he had thought.

He was so patient that he was almost too patient.

Even in the face of their extremely bad relationship, he could easily tolerate all of the unreasonable trouble caused by the other party’s amnesia. He coaxed him and went along with him without bringing to play any grudges between work and personal matters.

If the situation was switched, Pei Xi did not believe he could have done this.

Not to mention……hugging him to comfort him after a nightmare.

He’d had the same dream many times.

There were no ghosts, no zombies, and no horror plots in his dreams. He would just be pulled into fragments of the past and wake up in a cold sweat, opening his eyes again and again until dawn in a silent and empty room.

But today was the first time.

The first time he awoke from a nightmare and got a hug, the first time he received comfort, the first time his hair was stroked and he was told that it was just a dream.

It was the first time he felt intuitively that it really was just a dream.

It was a very mysterious feeling. Even though he knew clearly that the other person was He Chuzhou, he still felt that such an embrace was incredibly warm and safe.

With his mind subtly tossing and turning, he lowered his eyes to look at the rubber pig in his palm, his emotions hidden by his long eyelashes.

Three minutes later, the lone person in the room had changed clothes, opened the door, and left.

The trash can was still empty. And on the corner of the bedside table, which originally contained only a lamp and two books, there was a simple rubber pig.

*

*

“That is all for tonight’s meeting. Further arrangements will be made for the follow-up work. Everyone has worked hard, go and rest now.”

As the video screens of the online conference closed one after another, Pei Xi stopped Xiao Gu alone: “I will update you on the progress of the subsequent work. Do not ask for my opinion unless it is necessary. Make your own decisions. If you don’t understand something, contact Dong Han and he will explain it to you.”

Xiao Gu felt flattered: “Yes, President Pei.”

Pei Xi: “I will do my best to make all of the arrangements at once, and you can make adjustments according to the situation.”

Xiao Gu: “Okay!”

“Send an message or email if something happens, but try not to make a phone call.”

Xiao Gu: “Ah? Oh, I understand!”

Pei Xi: “Good. Go and rest.”

Xiao Gu: “Yes, President Pei. You should also rest early.”

After he hung up the video call, the study became quiet. The lamp shone on the drizzle outside, along with the lights of countless homes.

Pei Xi closed his eyes and relaxed for a while. After finishing work, his hunger pangs became more obvious.

He opened his phone and ordered food, placing an additional order for flash delivery. Then he stood and walked to the backyard balcony, packing up a set of pajamas that didn’t belong to him.

The courier arrived after the takeaway did, and Pei Xi handed him the bag containing the clothes.

When the courier took it and confirmed his ID, he accidentally glanced at the top of the bag, which obviously contained the bracelet he had carelessly stuffed inside earlier.

Courier: “…..?”

The courier stared: “? ? ?”

Another 90 million?

Rich people liked to play like this? ? ? ? ? 

“Sir, it’s too late today. I’ve run out of packaging boxes.”

He kindly reminded: “Look at this valuable thing. Do you want to find something to put it in?”

“No need, just send it like this.”

Pei Xi took back his ID card. After sending the courier to the elevator with the bag, he returned to the dining table to finish eating.

It was already getting late once he took a shower and tidied up, but he had no intention of sleeping immediately. Instead, he made a cup of coffee and returned to the study to continue his work.

In order to avoid further delays in his work, he had to make up for as much of the lost progress as possible.

It was a pity that the awakening function of coffee could not compete with the human sleep schedule and the urge to rest, and in the second half of the night, he still couldn’t withstand the surge of sleepiness.

But before going to bed, he made one more preparation—

He turned his cell phone on silent mode and hid it in the top kitchen cupboard where the flour was placed. 

The brain-addled Pei Xi would not remember anything he had done when he was in his right mind. He had to stop himself from seeking out He Chuzhou over and over again.

As long as he couldn’t find his cell phone and contact He Chuzhou, perhaps this series of problems would be solved.

The plan could be considered perfect.

However, it was soon proven that he had underestimated He Chuzhou’s appeal to Pei-calico, as well as Pei-calico’s ability to carry through, which nine oxen couldn’t hold back.

---

[1] The Book of Changes is an ancient divination text. ⮐

---

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Chapter 14 << Table of Contents >> Chapter 16

In fact, I was very restrained at first, and didn’t carry out my plans for a long time.

Because back then, I was obsessed with my relationship with A-Zhen every day.

From the moment I discovered that I liked him, that was the beginning of the journey that entrenched me step by step.

To be honest, during the first half of my life when I was still half human and half monster with incomplete humanity, I was not confused by emotion or desire. I looked at mine and other people’ desires with cold objectivity, so my plans never failed.

In high school, I found a lot of portraits of me in his room. That was when I knew I had succeeded once again.

From that day on, our inhuman love began.

The love I had for him was the most beautiful emotion I had ever experienced as a freshman in high school. We would hold hands, kiss occasionally, and walk together in the flourishing world.

I always asked him to say that he liked me. When he said this, he always lowered his head and turned his head to the side without looking at me. It seemed casual, but from my angle, I could see that his cheeks were red and his eyelashes were trembling.

I couldn’t help but touch his face and hair.

The feeling was indescribably wonderful.

For the first time, I deeply felt the beautiful, positive emotions of being a human being. I fell into it completely, and because I couldn’t help myself, I just indulged in it and enjoyed it.

He was like my soul outside my body. I couldn’t leave him for a moment, and I had no time to care about anything else in this world except for him.

And after going to university, the last friend around him, Wen Mingyi, also disappeared. He completely belonged to me.

When I was eighteen or nineteen years old, I was so arrogant that I thought I had him completely. That I had complete control over a living human being.

Even if he moved to a new school and new people wanted to get close to him, it didn’t matter. They were all fireflies who could be easily crushed to death.

Until White Day during my freshman year.

The festive atmosphere was very potent, whether inside or outside of school. The whole city was full of roses and lovers. Snowflakes floated through the sky as young couples hugged and kissed, and the air was full of love and romance. 

I intended to take our relationship further. In my opinion, this was a natural thing. Additionally, ever since I became his boyfriend, his attitude toward me had been a bit unnatural. I knew that this was because we had been friends for years and he momentarily couldn’t adapt.

Therefore, I needed an opportunity for him to get closer to me and fully accept me.

That day, I took him to watch a romance movie that was currently popular, the theme of which was love and freedom. The main actor implicitly expressed his frank and positive attitude toward sex. Afterward, we went to a lively and passionate concert and had dinner at a rose-themed restaurant in the evening.

The atmosphere was just right. We didn’t return to school that night.

I had prepared in advance and booked the best room in the most upscale hotel in the city.

This room faced the sea and had huge floor-to-ceiling windows. I intended to spend a quality night with him and then greet the morning sunrise together.

He was still a young man, with a body so slender and light, but he was well-proportioned, his skin fresh and tender. His waist and abdomen were coated in a thick pink, and his limbs were like lotus roots, the undulation of his contours smooth and charming.

Stunned by his beauty, I couldn’t help but hold his calf, squeezing the soft white flesh between my fingers…..

Youthfulness, bewilderment, shyness, everything was displayed before me.

When our passion was intense, he cried and called out, overwhelmed. I had placed his hands on my back, but found that in the end that he had endured very hard, not having the heart to scratch me.

So pitiful and cute.

My body and soul were greatly stimulated, and I almost wanted to hold him until death.

But in the middle of the night, he had already fallen asleep tiredly. I looked at his extremely graceful feet exposed outside the blanket and couldn’t help but hold them in my hands and play with them.

His feet were no less beautiful and lovely than their owner. The soles of his feet were slim and soft, the toes round and neat. I couldn’t put them down.

I barely slept that night. Holding him in my arms, I felt the touch of his skin and the temperature of his body. Sometimes I put my ear against his chest to listen to his heartbeat, and sometimes I placed my fingers on his neck to feel the flow of his blood.

Finally, I buried my head in his neck and pressed my cheek against his hair, then contentedly fell asleep with him in my arms.

He was like my regained soul, and I could not let go for a moment.

I wanted to watch the sunrise on the sea with him and do all the sweet, romantic things lovers did, but it was a pity that it was cloudy that morning by the time the sun came out.

And when he woke up that morning, I unexpectedly saw regret and fear in his eyes.

It was like a basin of water had been poured over me from head to toe, washing away all of my passion.

I didn’t know why he regretted it.

Could it be that I lost control of myself and went too far, making him uncomfortable?

Or…..did he not like me?

This conjecture made me feel the taste of fear.

This was the first time I had felt afraid. The feeling was unfamiliar and painful, and he should have also felt such pain at that time.

I didn’t want him to be emotionally tormented. I wanted him to be happy, but I didn’t know what he was afraid of or why he regretted it.

So I measured him according to my own values. I thought he was like this because he was afraid I didn’t like him, so I held him in my arms and promised him over and over again that I would love him forever.

He gave me a forced smile.

I buried my head in his neck, our chests touching, hearts beating together.

Love me. You will love me forever, Wei Zizhen.

But he was stuck in his own emotions, and didn’t give me the same response.

However, he wasn’t even upset for a few days before he became happy again.

Seeing him smile once more, I breathed a sigh of relief at last.

Once the incident had passed, I pondered it again and eventually attributed his negative emotions to my poor performance.

Perhaps my lack of restraint caused him to suffer. In the future, I should not overdo it.

We began to enjoy a sweet relationship again, and after physical intimacy, our souls became more and more compatible. There was no longer any strangeness or discomfort in his eyes. He had completely accepted me.

We mutually possessed one another and became a true couple.

At that time, neither Mingyi nor marriage were anything to fear in my eyes.

A-Zhen only regarded Mingyi as his little sister, and marriage was just a combination of interests. I would not be stingy with the benefits the Wei family wanted, and could give more than Mingyi. I believed that the Wei family understood this.

And because matters that arose out of interests were the easiest to solve.

In fact, according to common sense, there was nothing wrong with my plan. But things don’t usually work according to common sense, and there are always things in this world that you can’t foresee.

What shattered my dream was the presence of my father.

Without letting A-Zhen know, he came to my school alone to find me.

---

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Chapter 30 << Table of Contents >> Chapter 32

The main criminals involved were directly detained in cells within Song Xingmu’s other courtyard. Qin Yu and He Lan were responsible for guarding it, and they would be escorted by special personnel from the capital.

With a creak, the cell door opened. Zhao Haicheng looked up, but still didn’t see the person he wanted to see.

“Where is he?” Zhao Haicheng asked.

Song Xingmu raised an eyebrow and said: “He couldn’t be bothered to see you. And why do you need to see him, ah? Did you really fall in love with him, and you want a glimpse of him before you die?”

Qin Yu and He Lan were originally guarding the single entrance outside, and Song Xingmu called them to join him. Hearing this gossip, Qin Yu was uninterested, but He Lan winked at him. “Xiao Liu is quite charming. He deserves to be the person Zhanyuan likes.”

Qin Yu looked at He Lan speechlessly. Recently, it felt like He Lan was always looking for opportunities to emphasize in front of him that Huo Fenglie and Liu Zhenqing were a couple. He wasn’t blind. He could see it.

Zhao Haicheng said coldly: “If I don’t see him, no matter what you ask, I will not cooperate with you.”

Song Xingmu smiled. “I’m not in charge of interrogating you. Whether you say anything or not has nothing to do with me.”

Zhao Haicheng’s face went white. He clearly understood that his threat was useless against Song Xingmu.

“Who…..who is he, and what role does he play in this matter?!” He knew everything about this business very clearly, and Liu Zhenqing was the only one he couldn’t understand or see through. He didn’t want to die without knowing what kind of person had moved his heart.

Song Xingmu thought for a time, and then said: “His surname is Liu.”

Zhao Haicheng’s pupils quivered. He jumped up suddenly, and the chains restricting his movements were yanked loudly.

“He is…..”

“Strictly speaking, he is Liu Zhenqing’s distant cousin,” Song Xingmu said deliberately.

Zhao Haicheng’s entire person froze: “No wonder…..no wonder he looks so similar…..”

Song Xingmu’s eyes narrowed for a moment, and he finally confirmed one thing. “You’re the boy who sent flowers to Liu Zhenqing on the island, right?”

Zhao Haicheng instantly became agitated: “Shut up!”

“Sent flowers?” He Lan began to gossip upon hearing this. “This guy gave flowers to Prime Minister Liu? Could it be that he loved him?”

After all, Prime Minister Liu was good-looking and resourceful back then, and had countless admirers. It was normal for him to be liked by others.

When He Lan finished speaking, the sound of footsteps could be heard. As he turned his head to look, he was dumbfounded. Huo Fenglie and Yi Chuan could be seen walking down the corridor in the distance.

“Why are you here?” He Lan asked.

Huo Fenglie came to a stop without opening his mouth. Song Xingmu asked with a smile: “Looking for him?”

Huo Fenglie nodded. After the treatment, he went out to look for Liu Zhenqing, but he wasn’t there. Yi Chuan said he had gone out with Song Xingmu, so they came together.

“He has some personal matters to deal with and will return soon.” Song Xingmu raised an eyebrow. “Why don’t you go back and wait? Otherwise, you can help interrogate this child who once had a crush on Liu Zhenqing.”

“I didn’t! How could I admire that sort of evil person! He and I only had a blood feud!” Zhao Haicheng spoke fiercely, as if stimulated.

“Tsk, tsk, tsk. I say, you yourself have been a navy officer for so long. Even if the pirates we killed back then came back for revenge, you can’t blame Liu Zhenqing. He did his best for hundreds of islanders like you back then. He also arranged for relocation and created communications devices. If you don’t feel grateful, then forget it, but…..”

“Nonsense! He clearly did it for his own selfish desires and to gain military power, I heard it all. In order to achieve his goals, he even planned to assassinate the emperor during his tour to the south! We civilians were nothing in his eyes, only victims of his power-seeking!”

Everyone was taken aback when these words came out, aside from Song Xingmu, whose expression remained unchanged.

“What, you don’t dare to speak? Song Xingmu, you can be regarded as someone who heard this but didn’t report it, and you can’t escape the relationship between you two. There are several people from the Imperial Court present. I wonder which one will file a complaint against you!” Zhao Haicheng said with a ferocious smile.

Yi Chuan instantly pulled out a blade and pressed it to Zhao Haicheng’s throat: “You’re courting death!”

Song Xingmu curled his hair and opened his mouth to say: “Don’t make trouble, there are a few lords watching here.”

As Song Xingmu spoke, he looked at the people around him. Huo Fenglie was expressionless, while He Lan and Qin Yu were full of doubts. After all, they had already changed their views on Liu Zhenqing and really felt that something was fishy, so they could only look to Song Xingmu for the truth.

Song Xingmu faced Zhao Haicheng with purpose and said: “I shouldn’t tell this to you, an outsider, but now that it has come to this, I have a few words to say for my brother. General Huo, do you still remember the first time your group went south?”

Huo Fenglie was slightly surprised. Of course he remembered.

Yi Chuan put away his blade and asked: “Was that the time you caught me?”

Song Xingmu nodded with a smile and slowly spoke of what happened that year.

On the first trip south, Liu Zhenqing, Huo Feihan, and Song Xingmu teamed up to capture Yi Chuan’s pirate ship. 

At that time, Liu Zhenqing and Huo Feihan learned from Song Xingmu how difficult it was for the fishermen and islanders along the coast.

As a member of the Song family, Song Xingmu had been inspired to be a navy officer since childhood, and his life-long goal was to fight against pirates. However, the Zhou Dynasty invested too little into the navy. They had the will, but not the strength.

At that time, Huo Feihan vowed to Song Xingmu that he would persuade the emperor to allocate troops to him after he inherited the family duties and took charge of the military. After all, Liu Zhenqing had not thought about actually embarking on a career as an official at that time, nor did he know that he would become the powerful Prime Minister Liu. So he just watched the two officials as they excitedly discussed how many troops would be needed to intimidate the seas of Great Zhou.

“The original purpose for mobilizing troops was indeed not for clearing out pirates.” As Song Xingmu spoke, he looked into Zhao Haicheng’s increasingly confident eyes and smiled. “On the pretext of clearing out pirates and protecting the islanders, he would then use the emperor’s assassination to blame thieves and pirates so that he could justifiably silence the courtiers and seize the 30,000 soldiers. That assassination was indeed arranged by Liu Zhenqing.”

When he heard this, Zhao Haicheng began to laugh wildly. “Just as I said…..he’s an evil person, an evil person!”

“No way, really?” He Lan couldn’t accept it.

Qin Yu frowned slightly and glanced at Huo Fenglie.

But Huo Fenglie’s expression didn’t change at all, as though he was just listening to a past event he was unaware of.

Song Xingmu slowly walked up to Zhai Haicheng, giving him a contemptuous smile as he said: “That year, you were still on the island and didn’t know about the situation outside at all, but then you joined the navy and likely heard some things. For example, at that time, the wife of King Huai, whose family had the strongest military force of thirty thousand, was in the capital of a neighboring prefecture.”

Zhao Haicheng was slightly shocked. “You…..what are you talking about?”

Suddenly, Huo Fenglie said from the side: “King Huai secretly hid his private soldiers with his maternal family in case he was trapped in the capital and needed to mobilize troops to rescue him. And there were no other troops in the area at that time.”

“So those thirty thousand naval troops were actually set up to prevent King Huai’s private soldiers from rebelling?” He Lan asked in astonishment.

“At that time, the three kings were still fighting amongst themselves. Once something happened to King Huai, it would inevitably lead to chaos in the military and the people here would suffer accordingly,” Qin Yu analyzed.

“As the prime minister, he supported the emperor and had to find a way to deal with King Huai’s private soldiers.” Song Xingmu said slowly, “Every step had to be taken carefully back then, with legitimate reasons and military power, so combating pirates was the best excuse. There was fear that the ministers would object. After all, nobody was really worried about the pirate problem at that time and just wanted to maintain the status quo, swaying from side to side. Liu Zhenqing had no choice but to arrange for a muddled assassination, while secretly pointing the finger at King Huai and openly blaming the pirates, killing two birds with one stone. The thirty-thousand troops were implemented, but his name was allowed to ferment in public opinion, and it was said that he wanted to seize military power from the Huo family and intimidate and control the young emperor.”

“He wasn’t afraid that the Huo family would do the same to him…..” He Lan was alarmed to hear this, and was quick to ask curiously.

Song Xingmu glanced at Huo Fenglie and said: “Only with extreme trust would he dare to act like this. I also believe that the Huo family didn’t misunderstand him. Is that correct?”

“My older brother and I have always believed in him,” Huo Fenglie said directly. Even though they didn’t understand, they still believed in him, but…..no one in the world understood, and he didn’t defend himself.

Huo Fenglie lowered his eyes, clenching his fists slightly. At that time, he was only a minor military official, so weak that he could only hold one territory and share a little bit of the pressure.

Suddenly, Song Xingmu said distantly: “Did the emperor believe in him? Did the emperor believe…..that it was a deliberate arrangement?”

“He said that whether the emperor believed or not was a different matter. After all, for it to be legitimate, the emperor had to be injured, right?” Song Xingmu’s voice was soft. He looked at Zhao Haicheng and said: “What you heard at the beginning was probably the quarrel between me and Liu Zhenqing. Because I didn’t think he should do this. Accompanying a ruler is like accompanying a tiger. Even if he did all he could, arranging something like this would always leave a thorn in the emperor’s heart.”

Song Xingmu spoke very bluntly. But He Lan and Qin Yu had no intention to refute, because they felt the same way. Using the emperor as bait was not a good method, no matter how effective it was.

“I scolded him for being brainless and acting regardless of the consequences, but he said this was the only way. He had to do it, and since his reputation was so bad, how much of the emperor’s trust in him remained? Back when he was the dignified prime minister, he was just so…..” Song Xingmu became increasingly agitated the more he spoke, and he stopped abruptly at this point when Yi Chuan pulled him back.

Yes, ah, the rest should not be said.

Qin Yu and He Lan looked back at Huo Fenglie with worry, but they could only see his face concealed in the shadows cast by the light in the cell, making it difficult to see clearly. They knew very well what Song Xingmu was alluding to. They were loyal to their families and to the emperor, but Huo Fenglie was even more so.

Because Huo Fenglie was not only the emperor’s top general, but also Yuan Jue’s good brother who treated him with sincerity. They also knew that Huo Fenglie had admired Prime Minister Liu and never held a grudge, missing him all the time.

How would Huo Fenglie feel now?

Song Xingmu calmed himself and looked at the already lifeless Zhao Haicheng, saying: “Back then, the two main reasons the pirates returned were because of Liu Zhenqing’s death and my departure.”

When Liu Zhenqing, who had all the power in the world, passed away, there were so many people ready to make trouble. Everyone wanted to come and take a bite of Great Zhou.

Thieves like the pirates were akin to rats, burrowing into holes whenever someone spotted them. Knowing that Song Xingmu wasn’t there and the leader of the navy had been replaced, they immediately began to look for opportunities to retaliate.

“But isn’t it your own fault that you were attacked? Why didn’t you leave back then?” Song Xingmu asked coldly.

Zhao Haicheng was frozen for a long moment. With an ashen face, he said: “That was our home. We couldn’t leave just because we were told to. Why should we just do whatever you arranged? Even if he…..he wasn’t a traitor, he also implicated us in his fight for power.”

Song Xingmu sneered. “If someone else were standing in his place as prime minister and obtained those thirty thousand troops, who would actually lead those troops to clear out pirates? Who would actually care about the lives and deaths of you islanders and think of a way out for you?”

Although this was cruel to say, it was a fact. For those in powerful positions, their struggle for power used the world as a chess board. Who cared about a few small islands and the lives of hundreds of people? They probably wouldn’t spare them a thought, but in terms of major world events, could it be said that these people were wicked?

He Lan and Qin Yu to the side could only nod. As a senior official of the Imperial Court, Liu Zhenqing had done many things that were impossible for others to do, but still suffered resentment. It was ridiculous. Nobody could protect the people of the islands at all times. Shouldn’t they change their own fortunes?

But Zhao Haicheng stared angrily, seemingly unwilling to admit it. “No, it wasn’t like that. Do you know what it feels like to have all of your relatives, friends, and kinsmen die tragically in front of you?!”

At this moment, Yi Chuan said abruptly: “You people are very strange.”

Zhao Haicheng was taken aback, and looked at Yi Chuan.

Yi Chuan was simple and direct. “You were so willing to maintain the original situation because the people offered as sacrifices were not your young brothers and sisters.”

Zhao Haicheng paled. He opened his mouth, but didn’t know what to say.

Yi Chuan had revealed the simple, ugly fact. Although his fleet had never done such a thing at the time, they had seen other pirates do it by demanding young men and women to be trussed up and played with on their ships. And these people were often orphans left behind on the islands by parents who were shipwrecked at sea.

Yi Chuan said: “The ones killing people were pirates, but you didn’t want to wipe out all of the pirates and avoid future troubles forever. It’s strange that you blame others, but even colluded with pirates. I really don’t understand.”

Song Xingmu chuckled and said: “It’s actually very simple. It was easier to blame the kind of people who wouldn’t hurt them. How could they dare blame the pirates? After all, the pirates would actually kill people.”

Yi Chuan didn’t understand, but the others seemed to.

Zhao Haicheng was shamed into anger, shaking all over. “No matter how much you quibble, it doesn’t change anything. This disaster was caused by you. It was you who killed so many people.”

Likely because he was too agitated, bloody foam appeared at his mouth when he shouted.

Song Xingmu raised the fingers that were holding the tips of his hair and fiddled with his earring.

“Then let me tell you the truth that I just discovered.” Song Xingmu slowly said: “Back then, did you rescue a rebel who floated to the island shore?”

Zhao Haicheng was taken aback, and looked at Song Xingmu in confusion. “So what. If not for the so-called rebels who knew how to be grateful and came back to save us when they learned something was wrong, there wouldn’t be a single person left alive on our island.”

Song Xingmu laughed and shouted loudly: “Someone, bring the prisoner in room five.”

Nobody knew what was going on, but they soon saw soldiers bringing over a prisoner who had been tortured. 

Zhao Haicheng recognized him at a glance. “Uncle Hai!”

Uncle Hai raised his head. His eyes were averted, and his whole body trembled uncontrollably.

Song Xingmu kicked him forward and said: “Speak! Say everything you told me before!”

Zhao Haicheng looked at the person before him blankly, with the worst premonition in his heart.

“Back then…..back then, we were hunted at sea. I was….I was…..saved by them. After living there for a while, we got in touch with our own people. We needed a place to hide our identities and avoid being hunted, so after discussing it, we decided to hide on that island.”

Zhao Haicheng looked lifeless, and said in an almost pleading tone: “So when you came back, you saw us being attacked and came to our rescue?”

“Yes…..it was when we returned that we saw pirates intending to make a sneak attack, but because of the devices left behind by Prime Minister Liu, they dared not venture forward. So we…..we thought of a good way to hide our identities.”

The blood in Zhao Haicheng’s face faded almost visibly, and his pupils shook uncontrollably.

“Tell us, what was that method?” Song Xingmu urged.

Uncle Hai shook his head and no longer dared to look in Zhao Haicheng’s direction. Turning his head aside, he said all at once: “We wanted….we wanted to completely replace the people on the island with our numbers. So…..we assassinated the guards in the tower and informed the pirates that they could attack. Once the pirates attacked, we would wait for an opportunity to wipe out the pirates so that the islanders would be grateful to us, agree to take us in, and let us exist openly as those dead islanders. This way, we could avoid being hunted by the Imperial Court. We could also have loyal subordinates who could bring us information from the outside world.”

After these words fell, the entire cell became eerily quiet.

The evil of human nature and the turn of events were jaw-dropping.

Those who heard it could only sigh in disbelief.

And as the cause of everything, Zhao Haicheng stared blankly at the man he had rescued with his own hands. His voice was almost lifeless as he asked hoarsely: “Why? I saved you…..why were you so ruthless to us?!”

Uncle Hai was originally a court official. Faced with Zhao Haicheng’s questioning, he did feel guilty at first, but still said: “Those who achieve great things are not constrained by trivial details.”

---

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Chapter Ninety-Five << Table of Contents >> Chapter Ninety-Seven

He heard my name and introduced himself to me, “Hello, my name is Wei Zizhen, with the ‘excellent’ character Zhen. My older brother’s name is Wei Zijin. This is my mother. Her name is Su Lin, and my father’s name is Wei Shenzong…..”

He had a child’s clean and pure voice. Perhaps because he had just run here, there were a few wet strands of crow-like hair on his temples. The ears under his hair looked white and thin.

As he spoke, he scratched the ear that was irritated by his hair.

He was a very innocent child.

He was not overly introverted either, but very much like a gentle and agile young deer.

His father was a tall, thick-browed middle-aged man with dark skin, sturdy enough that he didn’t look like a scholar. Hearing these words, he hugged his beautiful wife and laughed. He grasped his son’s shoulders with his big hands and said lovingly: “Little brat.”

His parents loved him and doted on him very much.

The eyes of the adults were drawn to him, and my father had been looking at him since he appeared. When he finished speaking, he smiled and stepped forward to hug him, gently stroking the back of his head and his earlobes with broad palms. “What a good boy. Call me Uncle Wen.”

He seemed to cower as he was hugged by a strange uncle. One hand was forced to hold my father’s shoulder, and the other curled up in a reserved manner. I saw him looking at his father for help.

Uncle Wei gave him a look of encouragement, so he softly called out, “Uncle Wen.”

My father touched their foreheads together. I saw in his eyes a love I had never seen before. He leaned down and picked up Mingyi with his other arm, just like a loving father holding his beloved child. “Uncle Wen will treat you as his own son. Play with Mingyi from now on.”

The grown-ups walked past me with their children in their arms, smiling broadly. Their conversation topics revolved around their children, and they walked toward the living room on the first floor while talking and laughing.

Of course, the uncle and aunt of the Wei family cared more about their child, and my parents never really liked me.

So nobody seemed to notice that I was left behind.

They were all drawn to the youngest son of the Wei family.

But actually, so was I.

I stood there and turned around, looking at the boy being held by his father for a moment. My mother said that the way I looked at people was scary, but I knew nobody would notice me, so I followed with impunity.

But to my surprise, the boy lying on my father’s shoulder turned back to look at me.

I wasn’t sure if he was frightened by me, but he only glanced at me once before turning away.

I feared that he would complain, so I lowered my eyes. I quickly thought of some words of defense, but I heard him say to my father: “Uncle Wen, Mingcheng-gege hasn’t caught up, let’s wait for him……”

Uncle Wei also noticed me after hearing this. “Yes, ah. Haha, why did Lao Wen leave his own son behind?”

My father smiled and said nothing. My mother also gave an awkward smile and turned around, saying: “Mingcheng, ah, hurry up.”

I looked at the boy again and walked forward quickly.

. . . . . . .

I was very interested in him.

So much so that I no longer paid attention to the beautiful fish in the fish tank.

Because we were both boys and were about the same age, he initially liked being near me more than my sister.

It was a pity that my parents didn’t support us being friends. Whenever he came near me, my parents would find a reason to call him away and have him play with Mingyi.

And the main reason was still me.

At first, he always came to me with a smile on his face, but he gradually became less cheerful and began to be afraid of me.

His eyes were clear and pure like beads of glass, and you could see to the bottom at a glance. So even if he didn’t say anything, I could see a touch of fear and resistance in his eyes.

It was actually not his fault. I was just different from normal people at that time. As my parents said, I looked at people very strangely, and the aunties at home were very frightened of me. And it was normal for him as a child with normal intelligence to be afraid of me.

So he later ran to play with Mingyi, and didn’t want to get close to me.

He was not a fish in the fish tank, and could not be caught by my hands at will. At that time, I already had a certain understanding of human nature. I knew that forcing him would only make him more afraid of me, so I didn’t stop him when he left.

They played happily in the courtyard or inside every day, and I would stand nearby and secretly watch them.

Over time, it caught my father’s attention.

He warned me to restrain myself. If I dared to hurt the children, he would not let me off.

I humbly agreed.

They all knew that I was interested in him, but in fact, no one knew that the person I secretly watched the most at that time was my sister.

I watched how she got along with Wei Zizhen as a normal person. I watched her expressions, the way she talked, the way she carried herself.

In the evenings, I would watch cartoons with her that I had no interest in. When she laughed, I laughed along with her, and when she cried, I tried to look as sad as possible.

I would secretly observe in the mirror whether my expressions were normal or not. And to practice, I would read some adult novels to understand the psychology of the protagonists.

For me, whether it was my sister or the characters in the books, they were all normal people, so they were my learning goals.

Although I was emotionally different from normal people, I was very intelligent and had a strong ability to learn and pretend.

Active change was much more effective than taking psychological classes every day. Soon, I understood how to act out the emotions of normal people and understand human nature.

Because of my poor ability to empathize, being a lively person was too difficult for me. And being an introverted and silent person was not conducive to getting the person I wanted, so I chose to pretend to be a gentle, kind, and good person.

My disguise was very good. I was specific down to the details, such as when to smile kindly and say nice words, and show that I liked beautiful things like flowers, birds, insects, and fish.

I even learned to blush and look shy like my sister.

Years later, this disguise was etched into my bones. I didn’t even know if I had truly become a normal person, but I indeed felt happy, angry, sad, and regretful, and was obsessed with emotions and desires.

So for a period of time, I wasn’t sure whether I was wearing a mask or not.

But I later understood that everyone had their representation, so it didn’t matter if that representation was real or not. The important thing was……my love and hate were real.

At that time, I was focused on changing myself, until one day I discovered that Wei Zizhen was always secretly looking at me.

He was clearly playing with Mingyi, but his eyes always drifted toward me.

And on New Year’s Eve that year, he finally took the initiative to approach me again.

“Mingcheng……let’s play together. Can I take you to cut window decorations together?”

He stayed with me for a long time that night. He took me to cut various window decorations, watched TV with me, and went to the snack room to steal something for me to eat.

He also apologized to me.

I thought at the time that my disguise had caused this effect, and couldn’t understand his apology.

It wasn’t until many years later that I realized that he had never discovered how abnormal I was. He always left me behind because he was afraid of me, and he felt guilty about it.

So in fact, when I was watching him secretly, he was also watching me back. He always came to me.

But my changes were not in vain, and I kept him.

Because of his initiative and my disguise, I still became his best friend even though my parents hindered me.

My disguise also became better as I grew older. When I was in middle school, I couldn’t tell whether it was a disguise or not. I had normal emotions like a normal person.

Although, it was more like observing myself from the perspective of a third party.

Wei Zizhen seemed to have magical powers. He made me, who wore the skin of a monster, grow skin and blood in the vacuum of my chest, and turned me into a human being.

When I was in high school, I was awakened one night by an abnormality with my body and beautiful dreams about him.

Because I didn’t have emotions like normal people at first, reason came first, and then emotion. So my analysis of emotions had always been clear and calm.

I lay in bed thinking for hours, and knew that I was in love with him.

This person, ah, he was so miraculous. It was wonderful to feel like this. As long as I thought of him, my soul felt light and my whole body was numb.

During the day, I couldn’t help but cast my eyes upon him.

I was happy because every time I looked at him, he looked back at me, and our eyes often met.

But I was not satisfied. Perhaps my mother was right and I was the son of Satan, and evil was in my nature.

He was always surrounded by people, which made me uncontrollably angry.

I knew myself very clearly, so when someone looked at him with the same eyes as mine, I understood what that person was thinking.

For example, his deskmate. The son of a mere actor, he already showed weakness to me when I rolled my car window down.

And those so-called friends were either afraid of me or hated me. I would give rewards, or rather bribes, to those who were afraid of me, and would intimidate those who hated me.

I drove them all away.

Most of the children in upper-class schools had extraordinary backgrounds. Naturally, they were not fools. Gradually, the people at school understood my intentions.

They were afraid of me, so they could only stay away from him.

He was finally alone.

At that time, he thought it was his fault. He doubted himself a little, and was unwilling to play with others.

And at that time, I had not completely lost my nature as a monster, and it was difficult for me to sympathize with him.

I didn’t understand what friendship was, and didn’t know how painful it was to lose a friend. I thought that his downcast mood was the same as when he watched TV, and would disappear after a while, so I didn’t take it to heart.

I hugged him to comfort him, sniffed his hair, and felt his body in my arms.

Because my desire for exclusivity was greatly satisfied, I was so excited that I shook.

When I was twenty-eight years old, I regretted this immensely. To be precise, I regretted many of the things I had done, but it was already too late.

……I didn’t have time to do anything.

But when I was eighteen and could actually do something, I felt that it wasn’t enough. 

Like a bloody executioner, my eyes became red in this struggle.

My attention turned to my family. Although they didn’t tell the outside world, and even Mingyi and A-Zhen didn’t know, I did.

They planned to marry Mingyi and A-Zhen. 

I talked to my father alone, and asked him to change the marriage partner to me.

I didn’t think this was anything at all. If Mingyi could do it, why couldn’t I? Same-sex marriage had long been legal.

But he reacted very violently. He smashed a pair of bone china vases against the wall and strangled me to stop my delusions.

He didn’t like me, but I still didn’t understand why he was so opposed to it since he didn’t necessarily like Mingyi very much.

This angered me to such an extent that I became very unscrupulous and directed my antagonism toward my family.

I was young and inexperienced, but an extremely ruthless person.

I achieved my goal, but the blade of my weapon was too sharp, and I accidentally hurt both A-Zhen and myself.

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Chapter 29 << Table of Contents >> Chapter 31

Having grown to this age, He Chuzhou had been praised by many people, using various words.

From lively and positive energy as a child, to an outstanding and cheerful temperament as a teenager, to a young, promising, and handsome adult.

Sometimes his parents would even praise him, saying that only when the top beam is straight will the lower beam not go aslant.

It was just that among these words that encapsulated basically all of the smooth-sailing growth of a successful person, none of them had any relation to cuteness, let alone called him cute outright.

But today, someone did.

Someone held a squeaking little pig and said with a voice full of favoritism that a man with a height of 1.886 meters and ab muscles was cute.

And it was ‘very cute.”

Very cute?

What did this mean?

In He Chuzhou’s eyes, only furry animals less than a meter tall such as kittens, puppies, and birds could be called cute. The only two exceptions were Pei-calico and He Xingxing.

Could this be applied to He Chuzhou?

It could not.

But it was Pei-calico who praised him for being cute.

Pei-calico praised him for being cute.

Pei-calico praised his good looks and even said he was cute.

“Chuzhou?”

“En?”

“Is this document difficult? You’ve been reading it for a long time.”

“…….”

He Chuzhou returned to his senses and coughed uncomfortably: “It’s fine. This is a special project, so it must be considered carefully.”

Pei Xi gave an understanding nod, and soon discovered something. His gaze was locked on the other’s ears, and just as he was about to speak, He Chuzhou deftly cut off his words: “Do you want to rest first?”

Pei Xi raised his eyelids: “Rest?”

Seeing that his attention had been successfully averted, He Chuzhou breathed a sigh of relief: “Yes, it’s still early now. You can take a nap first. I’ll wake you after my work is done.”

Pei Xi said nothing, and appeared to be thinking about it.

But after some thought, he brought up another thing: “Chuzhou, who called you just now?”

“Who else could it be? It was He Aiyue.”

After answering, He Chuzhou remembered that Pei Xi may not know He Aiyue, and added: “My meimei.”

Pei Xi, pensively: “How old is Meimei?”

He Chuzhou: “Seventeen. What’s wrong?”

Pei Xi: “She just said she wants to swallow a monkey in the ocean?”

He Chuzhou: “Swallow what—”

He Chuzhou: “……”

He Chuzhou: “……..”

“What is going on in the heads of you two?”

He Chuzhou was speechless: “It’s ‘give birth,’ not ‘swallow.’ What monkey can be swallowed, and why should it be swallowed in the ocean?”

Pei Xi: “Give birth to a monkey?”

He Chuzhou: “It means having a baby.”

Pei Xi: “In the ocean—”

He Chuzhou: “Not in the ocean! On land! Giving birth to your…..not…..tsk, forget it. She was just talking nonsense, don’t pay attention to her.”

Pei Xi gave an oh and asked softly: “Do you like children?”

The jump in topics was large, but fortunately, He Chuzhou could still keep pace: “In general.”

Pei Xi was not satisfied with this answer: “Don’t split the difference. Like or don’t like, you can only choose one.”

If he had to give a definite answer, He Chuzhou really couldn’t, so he simply asked: “Why are you suddenly asking this?”

“Because I don’t like them,” Pei Xi said.

He Chuzhou: “Why not?”

Pei Xi was quiet for a couple of seconds, and then his voice went lower: “No reason, I just don’t like them.”

His mood had conspicuously changed. He Chuzhou didn’t understand why, but didn’t delay stroking his hair: “I don’t like them either. Children make an unnecessary racket. They’re disobedient, and it’s hard to teach them.”

Pei Xi looked at him: “Really?”

He Chuzhou: “Really. Why would I lie to you?”

Pei Xi: “You just said ‘in general.’”

He Chuzhou: “My ‘in general’ is…..very average, not very good. I don’t like them.”

Pei Xi looked at him for a moment, then lowered his head and squeezed the rubber pig with fixed interest, not saying anything.

He Chuzhou could do nothing about him, so he looked around the table to find something that could coax him. Suddenly, he remembered something and took the bracelet out of the drawer.

“Play with this, don’t you like it a lot?”

Pei Xi looked at the bracelet on his wrist and wondered: “What is it doing here?”

What could He Chuzhou say? He could only say: “It’s not the same bracelet as the one at home.”

Pei Xi: “Why buy two of the same thing?”

He Chuzhou: “Because the second one was half price.”

Pei Xi fell silent.

After saying this, He Chuzhou felt that the excuse was ridiculous and wasn’t sure if he would believe it or not. He was thinking about whether to change the excuse when the top of his head felt warm.

It was Pei Xi, who had learned his techniques and followed suit to rub his head.

“I know you’re coaxing me.”

Pei Xi’s voice was filled with a clear smile again. His mood had improved, and the ending tone of his words rose slightly: “But thank you, Chuzhou.”

There was one less person next to him, and one more person in the lounge.

Pei Xi had gone to the lounge to rest, while He Chuzhou sat alone behind his desk and stared at the document page over and over again before finally breaking out into laughter.

With no rules or regulations, he still learned pretty quickly.

*

*

The weather in the afternoon was not good. The sun was gone and the clouds were getting thicker and thicker. It looked like it was going to rain.

Pei Xi didn’t like this sort of weather.

He tightly pulled shut the curtains of the bed in the lounge to cover the large area of gray sky, then turned to go to sleep.

But this sleep was still restless.

Not long after falling into a deep sleep, dreams came one after another.

He went back to his freshman year in high school, when Pei Zhen’s illness was becoming increasingly serious, and he would go crazy whenever he saw him.

Pei Yansong made a choice between his two sons with hardly any hesitation.

The day after Pei Zhen threw half of the porcelain in the living room, he transferred Pei Xi, the son of his ex-wife, to another school in a completely unfamiliar city.

He left home, living alone far away from any family and friends, in a strange environment with nobody he knew around.

All of these unknowns were enough to terrify Pei Xi, who was still underage at the time.

That was the first time his mask of indifference showed signs of cracking, facing the father who had turned his heart in a different direction after remarrying.

It was also the first time he bowed his head to Pei Yansong, and even knelt down, begging him not to send him away. He would avoid Pei Zhen and try not to appear in front of him.

But throughout the night, Pei Yansong’s attitude did not soften at all.

He had done nothing. He had done nothing wrong, and was even trying to be the best at everything. But Pei Zhen just went crazy and easily determined the trajectory of his future life.

Why?

For what reason?

Kneeling on the ground, Pei Xi thought for a very long time.

At last, he figured it out. It was probably because there was no one in the family who loved him anymore.

He couldn’t remember exactly how he walked out of the house that day. He only remembered that the weather was very terrible.

Cold wind blew and clouds gathered. Soon, it began to rain with a steady patter, and the coldness soaked into his bones.

The car parked at the door was wet and shiny from the rain, reflecting the thin, pale Pei Xi beneath his umbrella. And behind Pei Xi was a distorted figure, running out into the rain while holding a celadon incense burner.

The driver got out of the car in a panic, but it was too late. Pei Zhen ran swiftly toward Pei Xi, teeth gritted, and threw the incense burner at him—

Bam.

There was a muffled sound, and he suddenly opened his eyes.

In the office.

He Chuzhou clicked his tongue and bent down to pick up the cellphone he had accidentally knocked down with his elbow.

The contents of several documents were so similar that they made him dizzy, and he removed his glasses to rub the bridge of his nose. Suddenly, he heard the sound of disordered footsteps in the lounge.

Before he could raise his eyes to see anything clearly, a figure rushed straight into his arms, hugging him tightly.

“Ai, please be a little gentler. You’re going to strangle me to death.”

He Chuzhou held onto the careless Pei Xi.

Pei Xi said nothing, and didn’t loosen his grip at all.

Only then did He Chuzhou realize that his breathing was a bit rapid and unsteady, and the body against him was even trembling slightly.

“Did you have a nightmare?”

He simply lifted the person into his lap with all of his strength, placing a palm on his back: “What did you dream about that was so frightening? A volcano, tsunami, or zombie siege?”

“It’s only a dream, it’s not real. It’s just a small problem, and everything is fine when you wake up.”

“Were you scared to tears?”

“Ai, it’s okay. Be good, be good. You won’t remember the things from your dreams for long. They will be forgotten soon.”

“Were you really scared to tears?”

“Come, look up and let me see.”

He leaned back slightly and turned his head to look, but Pei Xi was buried so tightly that he could see nothing except for the back of his head and his ears.

He Chuzhou sighed helplessly, then thought for a while before saying abruptly: “You know, He Aiyue has also been scared to tears in a dream. She said that in her dream, two hundred geese chased her and pecked her butt, and she couldn’t get away.”

“And after she told me, she made me sign a confidentiality agreement stating that I was not allowed to tell anyone else about it. But she was still somewhat illiterate at that time and spelled ‘confidential’ as ‘honey,’^[1] and she hasn’t discovered it even now.”

Slowly, the person in his arms seemed to be shaking less.

He Chuzhou stroked his back and continued calmly: “She cried much harder than you do. It was like an atomic bomb had exploded in a fish pond, and the entire sky collapsed.”

“I wanted to stay out of it at first, but my mom was upset by her howling and threw us both out, saying that I wouldn’t eat that night if I didn’t coax my sister well.”

“Fortunately, we were at our grandfather’s farm at that time and there were quite a few geese, so I took her over and had her pick out the one she disliked the most and come up with her own revenge.”

“…..How did she take revenge?”

Pei Xi had lifted his head at some point.

He wasn’t crying, and his eyes were not red, but his face was pale and bloodless as he slowly peeled himself away from the bad dreams of the past.

He Chuzhou raised an eyebrow: “Didn’t the big geese in the dream peck her butt? She just pecked it back.”

Pei Xi was stunned: “She pecked it back?”

He Chuzhou: “Yes, ah.”

Pei Xi: “Then what happened next?”

He Chuzhou: “She took a bite of goose feathers and was pecked on the head by the angry goose. Then she cried even more miserably.”

Pei Xi: “……”

Pei Xi: “Didn’t you help her?”

“Of course I helped.”

He Chuzhou said matter-of-factly: “I had to help her hold the goose, ah, how could she bite it otherwise?”

Pei Xi: “………”

Pei Xi: “Did you get to eat that night?”

“I ate.” He Chuzhou said: “I ate a beating, then the dried sweet potatoes my grandfather gave me in the middle of the night.”

Pei Xi was speechless, but the corners of his pursed lips curved.

He Chuzhou tilted his head to look at him: “You’re not afraid anymore?”

Pei Xi nodded.

He Chuzhou: “How about you sleep some more? I’ll probably take another hour to finish up.”

Pei Xi nodded his head, then shook it.

He Chuzhou: “What does that mean?”

Pei Xi: “I don’t want to go to sleep in there.”

He didn’t want to go in there and sleep, but it wasn’t that he didn’t want to sleep.

He Chuzhou understood. He put his left arm around the other’s waist and pulled him closer into his arms, freeing up his right hand to work: “Okay, if you don’t want to go in there, then don’t go in. Just sleep here.”

Pei Xi obediently leaned back into his shoulder, not closing his eyes right away.

He Chuzhou: “Can’t sleep?”

Pei Xi shook his head softly: “Chuzhou, you’re so good.”

He Chuzhou was amused: “Good at what, catching geese?”

“Good everywhere.”

Pei Xi closed his eyes and pressed his forehead against the side of He Chuzhou’s neck, breathing out: “If it were me, I would have definitely let you eat.”

“If I was there, I would have stewed that goose and secretly cooked you a feast.”

As Pei Xi’s words came to an end, the office became quiet once more.

The cold wind outside was blocked by the glass, but it seemed as if some of it had slipped inside, causing one’s heart to ripple. 

Feast or no feast, He Chuzhou didn’t know. He only knew that he didn’t dare to move now.

Pei Xi’s attitude conveyed a strong sense of intimacy and dependence. He couldn’t ignore it, and felt a slight numbness and stiffness subtly spread from the side of his neck to his entire body.

The hand holding the pen froze mid-air, unable to move up or down, and for a moment, he forgot where to sign next.

It turned out that having a person in his arms could affect work efficiency, which He Chuzhou had not considered.

But it was still fine. He just couldn’t move too much for fear of waking this person up, and looked down from time to time when he was distracted. Once he got used to it, it wouldn’t be a big problem.

Ten minutes before the end of work, he found the contact information of a restaurant in order to make a reservation. He didn’t call, and just sent a message.

Afterward, he set his phone down softly. Just as he was about to process the remaining things quickly, he suddenly felt a gaze fall on him.

Turning his head, he found that the person who was supposed to be asleep was already awake and looking at him expressionlessly.

His eyes were clear and without waves.

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[1] ‘Confidential’ is Bǎomì (保密), while ‘honey’ is Fēngmì (蜂蜜). ⮐

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Chapter 13 << Table of Contents >> Chapter 15

“Mingcheng?” 

“Wen Mingcheng?!”

“What are you doing? Oh my god, Husband—”

The woman’s frightened cry sounded behind me, and she quickly ran upstairs in high heels while shouting.

Very quickly, I heard garbled voices coming from upstairs.

“Mom, what happened with my brother?”

“Mingyi, be good. Play with your teddy bear and don’t come out. Husband, Mingcheng seems to be…..”

Soon, the man and woman came down and gathered around me, asking me why I had done this.

The scissors in my hand were snatched away by my grim-faced father. My mother looked at my bloodied hands and cried until her makeup ran.

At that time, I could not understand their anxiety and the way they fell apart. I tilted my head slightly and gazed at them, trying to understand their emotions.

Was this something serious?

I was just interested in the ornamental fish in the fish tank, so I stood on a chair and fished out the biggest one with a net, and happened to see a pair of scissors on the table…..

My father yanked me hard and asked me with an extremely cold expression: “Do you not understand that this is wrong?”

“This doctor is truly useless, I want to replace him…..”

I staggered as I steadied myself. What was wrong?

Clearly you told Mingyi to have the courage to try things she is interested in, so why can’t I?

I was also a little angry, but I still apologized to them: “Sorry, Mom and Dad.”

My mother looked at me expectantly: “What did you do wrong?”

I said: “I shouldn’t have taken the fish out of the tank.”

After that, I took the initiative to pick up the fish my father had knocked to the ground.

Only, its belly was broken. Some messy things had fallen out of it, leaving a mess on the floor. I didn’t mind, and handed it to my mother with both hands. “Mom, I’ll give it back to you.”

My mother screamed as she stared at the disemboweled fish. She covered her mouth and retched a few times, then backed away in disarray. The fish in my hands was once more knocked to the floor by my father, and he roughly took me to the bathroom to wash my hands.

My hands hurt from his scrubbing. This should be a punishment.

So I seriously thought about several possibilities regarding my mistake, and apologized to him again: “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have chosen the biggest one. I didn’t understand how to be modest. Next time, I will definitely choose a smaller one.”

My father gives me a slap to the face.

“Monster!”

My parents didn’t let me go to kindergarten or play with Mingyi. They got me a new doctor and made me stay with him.

He was an elderly man, and looked very old. Both his beard and hair were white. I thought there would be nothing to say between us, but I didn’t expect him to smile and enjoy talking to me.

I ignored him at first, but day after day, I found what he said interesting, and he was the only one in the family who was willing to read fairy tales to me.

In fact, it was my mother who would read storybooks to me before, but I always asked questions that scared her. I didn’t understand why she was afraid or why she hit me. Afterwards, she would only read to my sister and refused to read to me.

But this old man was not afraid of me. After I asked some questions, he just stayed silent for a moment and then answered me with a smile.

He was very patient, and I felt that his face was very round, his hair was all white, and he looked like a snow-white rabbit when he smiled.

He read me stories every day, and I reciprocated in courtesy by telling him the fish story and asking why my parents blamed me.

He explained to me a lesson about life and death.

I listened silently. I didn’t understand some of it, but I didn’t care. There were still issues I was concerned about. “Mom says I’m the son of Satan. Do you think I’m a monster too?”

“No, you are not.” He knelt down and looked at me levelly, his expression very firm. “You will understand in the future. You will understand the preciousness of life, that you should revere life. You will understand compassion, and know how to love and protect. You just understand emotions a little slower.”

His expression looked earnest and trusting, something I had never seen before.

So I thought I should also trust in him.

I began to take the initiative to learn from him, and learned some of the emotional terms he spoke of. Of course, what he talked about most was life and love.

I learned everything very quickly. The home tutor for cultural lessons was always very surprised by me, but I always did poorly in psychology class.

Later, he died.

As he got older, he fell and lost his life.

He lay amongst white lilies. There were many people surrounding him. I walked to his coffin and placed a white chrysanthemum next to his face.

His face was tranquil, as if he was asleep, but I never saw him again.

After returning home, I waited for him to come and teach me. I waited in the classroom that had been set up for him at home for many days, but he never showed up.

One day, my mother happened to discover that I sat in the psychology classroom every day. The expression on her face when she looked at me was confused to begin with, but then it turned into pleasant surprise. She rushed over excitedly and asked why I was staying here, and if I missed my teacher.

I couldn’t really understand what she meant. I felt like I was just waiting for him to come back and teach me a lesson, so I didn’t answer her.

Later, when I was alone and bored, I once again thought of my fish tank idea.

Those fish were still in the tank, but the biggest and reddest one I took out had disappeared.

I focused on the yellow beta, which had a beautiful tail and fins, like a fairy wearing a gauze dress.

I fished it out and held it firmly in my hand to observe it. It could not break away from my strength, and desperately opened and closed its gills in an attempt to breathe.

I stroked its beautiful fins and felt its body struggling in my palm. I wanted to clutch it hard, but after a few minutes, its struggles became feeble, and the opening and closing of its gills did as well.

I tossed it back into the fish tank.

It took a long time to calm down, then slowly regained its vitality and swam leisurely with the other fish in the tank.

I counted the fish in the tank again and there were still the same few fish. The yellow beta still existed, but the red goldfish had disappeared. 

Suddenly, I understood what life was. Life was a very precious thing. If it disappeared, it would never exist again.

Both my teacher and the red fish had lost their lives.

They would never appear again.

The psychology teacher had taught me lessons about life and love for a long time.

When I was seven years old, he used his own death to make me understand life. I began to cherish and respect life, and another person made me understand love.

“A-Zhen, this is Mingcheng-gege. This is Mingyi-meimei. You can go to school and play with them from now on. Go on, say hello.”

A gentle-looking woman wearing a cheongsam introduced us to a boy.

The boy was about ten years old. He raised his head to look at me. His face was red and rosy, his eyebrows were thin and light, and his eyes were round but slender at the tips, looking like lilies in the sun.

He called me quickly, coy and embarrassed: “Mingcheng-gege.”

It was so fast that it was almost inaudible.

He seemed to be about the same age as me, and maybe that was why he was embarrassed to call me “gege.”

But my attention was on his eyes. The way he looked at me was very special, something I had never seen before in my father’s circle. It was like melting snow in early spring, very pure and soft.

He also looked like the lambs and finches I had seen in the pastures.

There was no vigilance nor questions, no flattery nor attentiveness. He was full of childlike tenderness and curiosity.

It was said that he was the beloved son of a calligrapher. I saw dried ink stains on his fingertips.

For the first time, I smiled from the bottom of my heart. 

“Hello, my name is Wen Mingcheng.”

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Chapter 28 << Table of Contents >> Chapter 30