He likes darkness and doesn’t like lights, but at this time, he insists on turning on the lights so that I can see.

I no longer care about face, and call for help regardless. 

There are many doctors living downstairs, and several people are on duty every night, but no matter how much I shout, nobody comes to save me.

It’s as if we are trapped in a separate space, where it is just him and me.

“What do you think? Where is he?” He speaks in my ear, breathing against the skin behind my ear and on my neck.

I’ve given up struggling, or am unable to struggle. The portrait of my lover is less than five centimeters from my face. My upper body lays on the table and I cover my face with my hands, kneeling on the tatami mat. 

At first glance, it looks like I am kneeling to pay respects to my dead husband, but in fact, the hands and arms covering my face are shaking like chaff. The towel I’m wearing is now under my knees.

After a long moment, he sighs almost inaudibly: “Be good, stop crying.”

He lifts my upper body and makes me sit on his lap, then bends down to wipe my eyes with his fingers: “I haven’t done anything to you, why are you crying so pitifully?”

I don’t know if I cried so hard that he lost his mood, but after I give up fighting and hide my face to evade, he actually lets me off.

I’m forced to sit in his arms, my body exposed to the cool air.

He puts an arm around my shoulders, and I strive to bend down and reach for the towel that has fallen on the floor. 

As if deliberately teasing me, he holds me loosely at first and waits for me to reach out each time, then grabs my shoulders and drags me back. My fingers are always two centimeters short of reaching the piece of cloth.

This action also exposes my back to the light. A cold hand travels across my back, nails scratching my skin like the scales of a venomous snake. My hair stands on end wherever it touches.

I really don’t want to cry, but the anger and shame make my eyes well up with tears that hit the arm trapping me.

He sighs again and turns me over.

I lay on the floor, and his arms support me as he looks down at me from the side. That pair of bottomless eyes are like an exquisite and meticulous painting, but the painter didn’t add any finishing touches. They are a simple combination of deep black and pure white, and the black is like an endless night, the dark storm inside chilling and daunting.

His eyes curve as he smiles at me, and then he leans down and kisses me.

He seems addicted to this kind of skin-to-skin contact. During the first few days where I didn’t notice that anything was wrong, he kept me up late every night.

He is not a human being, but he has the qualities of a human man.

I stare at the ceiling with my eyes open and let it happen. After a long while, he raises his head contentedly, and I close my eyes, gasping for breath.

My body is finally covered with clothes. I immediately grasp hold of the thing I have lost and found and try to cover every inch of exposed skin. 

“Won’t you look at me?” He wipes the corners of my eyes with his thumbs and strokes my eyelashes. “I won’t force you if you don’t want it, but you won’t even give me a kiss?”

He picks me up, takes the bathrobe from my hands and dresses me neatly, and leans over to kiss my cheek.

“I only blame you for thinking he is good. Don’t be angry. I’ll be better than him.”

He cannot empathize with me, and fundamentally can’t understand that I’m not angry at all. Or it could be said that too many emotions have accumulated in my heart, making me numb to anger.

I was humiliated over and over again in front of my dead husband’s portrait. Even though nothing happened, it already exceeded my moral bottom line.

I regret wanting to take back the portrait. I don’t have the face to let Mingcheng’s portrait stay at home anymore.

“I will send Mincheng’s portrait back tomorrow.” My heart pounds as I say this.

I have lost him again.

I hope Mingcheng’s spirit in heaven won’t blame me.

But the “person” in front of me is very happy. When he hears what I said, his eyes light up. He drags me by my thighs and picks me up, his squinted eyes filled with light: “Why tomorrow? That woman doesn’t want him to stay here either, so why not let her take him back tonight?”

He says this, but suddenly refutes himself. “That won’t work, don’t let her come. Both siblings annoy me. I’ll go send him away.”

I turn him down: “You will scare the elders.”

When he hears this, he looks at me silently for a moment. His lips curl. “The deceased is gone, and it is always bad to reappear. Ashes to ashes, dust to dust. It would be better to burn it and send it back to the cemetery.”

With that said, he puts me down and actually tries to touch Mingcheng’s portrait.

“Stop!” I quickly stop him and stand in front of the portrait.

He raises an eyebrow at me, still smiling, but his eyes are dark and deep. “What’s wrong? You won’t give it away, and you won’t throw it away. Do you love him so much? That’s fine, I won’t force you.”

He says this, but I can’t relax at all. There is absolutely nothing I can do against him, so I don’t dare offend him. I can only endure my anger and try to coax him: “I will try to send him back as soon as possible.”

He caresses my neck with the backs of his fingers. “Okay, ah, it’s all up to you. Let’s go rest now.”

I am extremely resistant to sleeping with him. Even if he doesn’t touch me, it is still a nightmare.

“What’s wrong? With him here, you don’t want to sleep? In that case, I also feel awkward…..” He sighs. “Then take him with you. You can look at him tonight.”

I’m stunned for a moment, and raise my head to look at him.

He smiles at me. His eyelashes are thick and long, and the corners of his lips curve beautifully, but the smile on his face scares me. “Who made him your true love? I can only bear it, A-Zhen. Let’s get married too, we’ll have a wedding at home, just the two of us. Oh, no, let’s add him too.”

“On the wedding night, you hold him close to your chest.” He lowers his head and presses his lips to the corner of mine as he speaks dirty words.

I push him away forcefully and grit my teeth, uttering one word: “Beast.”

He scoffs: “I’m a beast? Good. Anyway, in your eyes, I’m a nuisance that you can’t get rid of, so that’s fine. It doesn’t matter. After all, I can’t compare to him, so let me carry out this evildoing to the end.”

I don’t know what he’s going to do, but it definitely won’t be a good thing, so when he turns around, I quickly step forward and hug him from behind.

He pauses abruptly.

“I’ll rest with you. I’ll send him away too. Don’t do anything…..please.”

. . . . . . . .

At night, he embraces me from behind and coaxes me to sleep as usual. 

A hand passes under my arm and lands on my chest. Although he doesn’t fiddle around, his other arm goes around my waist. His fingers press and rub my belly.

I don’t know what life is like between other couples, but Mingcheng also liked to touch my belly, so I know what this means.

He doesn’t show anything on his face, and his warm voice also tells me to go to bed early.

But I know he is not at all what he appears to be.

He is bottling it up, and enduring it very hard.

“Good boy, why won’t you sleep?”

I’m on tenterhooks, but I also know that if I stay awake, it will only be more dangerous. However, I’m so anxious that it is difficult to sleep.

“Don’t be afraid of me.” I don’t know how many times he has sighed tonight. The hand he placed on my chest moves to my eyes, and the other hand goes outside the quilt to gently rub my body. “Have a good sleep.”

I fall asleep without knowing it, and have a dream that is neither short nor long.

In the dream, I actually go back to the day I got married.

There were many people at home that day, and the house was full of guests. Everyone wished us a happy marriage and a long life together.

I was very happy, and smiled until my face was stiff with fatigue.

Getting married was very tiring. Mingcheng and I toasted to many elders and were toasted by many people. It was so busy that I didn’t know what time it was, and I was so tired that I couldn’t endure it anymore. So I left Mingcheng and sneaked back to the room.

Although we were both men and couldn’t have children, for the sake of good fortune, our elders still covered our bed with longan and peanuts, which symbolized the early birth of a child.

I pushed them aside to make room for me to lie down. I intended to wait for Mingcheng to come back, but lying down was so comfortable that I actually fell asleep.

Later, I was woken up by a crunching sound. This was the sound of teeth breaking through a solid object. I almost thought it was a rat making trouble. When I opened my eyes in a daze, I realized that it was Mingcheng.

He was wearing the white wedding suit of the groom, with a jeweled rose brooch on his chest. The smell of alcohol on his body was very strong, and as he chewed, his long, dense eyelashes fluttered and his cheeks moved slightly.

His cold, jade-white hands held a handful of longan and peanuts.

“Mingcheng.”

I called out to him and he was stunned for a moment. He raised his eyes to look at me, and they were red with drunkenness.

I laughed at him with no trace of politeness. “You’re so funny, why are you eating the peanut shell too?”

He paused and took a closer look at the half peanut he held in his hand. His thick eyebrows were slightly furrowed, as if he was studying some important document.

It took him a long time to reveal an astonished expression, and he finally figured out that he had bitten the peanut in half.

I couldn’t stop laughing. I complimented him on how cute he was, and took the initiative to kiss him.

When I kissed him, his face instantly turned red, and the soft light in his beautiful eyes shined with hope.

But in an instant, these eyes lost their pupils, and the kiss turned from sweet to forced. My gentle lover became a black and white portrait and was thrown to the ground, the ashes from the incense burner spilling out.

I was overwhelmed by shock and horror. Regardless of the evil ghost beside me, I cried and protected the portrait of my lover.

But the “person” at my side tried to stop me.

I was so angry that I raised my hand to hit him and told him to get out.

But his face was dripping with blood just like Mingcheng. There was a fatal wound on his neck that was left when he saved me, and his airway flowed open and closed as he spoke, blood pouring out.

“It’s me, A-Zhen.”

Two lines of bloody tears flowed from his eyes, dark red and black blood dripping from the corners.

I open my eyes suddenly and shout out loud: “Mingcheng—”

The room is already bright. The alarm clock on the table shows 8:30 a.m, and there is no one next to me.

My chest heaves violently, and the excessive breathing causes a golden light to appear before my eyes.

I stay in bed for a long while until a nurse knocks on my door at nine o’clock and tells me to take my medicine. After I take it, she tells me that this is the last day the doctor will stay in my home. I am in good condition, and the doctor can leave.

I take the medicine mechanically and nod in acquiescence.

My mind is still recalling the previous night’s dream.

I dreamt about him.

In the six months since he left, I have never dreamed about him.

Did he give me this dream?

His remains are not yet cold, and I am living with his imposter. Does he blame me?

I enter the room again where he is enshrined. His portrait is still on the table, and his smile remains the same.

But we are already separated from one another.

I pick up the portrait and hug it tightly to my chest. My tears have dried up and my soul has vanished.

But I can only send his portrait back.

I don’t send it back to the Wen house. I send it back to my mother.

For a long time after that, I obey that “person” because I know there is nothing I can do against him.

The fact that he is able to enter my old home means that the Black Nanjia was brought in by means unknown to me and hidden there. As long as he doesn’t want me to find it, I never will.

The Divine Attendant told me a long while ago that I wouldn’t be able to send him away. I think my heart is already dead like ashes. Fortunately he can’t get close to me during the day, so I can go to my mother’s house and pay respects to Mingcheng’s portrait.

In the next few days, I dream about Mingcheng several times. In the dreams, he is either smiling or sad, but maybe it is the forced guise when facing that other “person” that makes me so exhausted and grieving that I long for dreams of him. 

“You seem to sleep much better these days. You always used to go to bed very late. I’m very happy, A-Zhen.” He turns me over and embraces me face to face.

I raise my eyes and smile at him.

The two of us embrace sweetly like lovers.

Life has become very peaceful, but as each day passes, I can bear it less and less.

It is like the smile on one’s face when entertaining guests. If you smile for too long, it becomes stiff and painful.

I don’t know if he has noticed anything wrong with me, but I don’t care anymore. I start going to my mother’s house to offer incense to Mingcheng,

It is my only comfort, but gradually, I am no longer satisfied with this.

I find that after my life becomes calmer, I rarely dream of him.

I sleep with a ghost, but I can’t see him in my dreams.

Maybe he thinks I’ve betrayed him, and is disappointed in me.

The pain accumulates day by day, and finally, I make a very bold and foolish decision on my mother’s advice.

I seek out a shaman.

I intend to recall his soul.

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Chapter 26 << Table of Contents >> Chapter 28