Ch 17 – An Utterly Useless Weakness

When Kersz exited Tau’s room, he took a few steps, then came to a sudden stop and turned around sharply to find Yu Xi following behind him.

Yu Xi rubbed his hands together, his eyes darting from side to side but never focusing on Kersz.

“If you’re curious, you can go and talk to Tau,” Kersz told him.

Yu Xi shuffled forward: “I’m not good at dealing with people like Tau.”

Yu Xi was able to analyze the persona Tau put on, but he didn’t know how to expose it – or perhaps, he didn’t need to. He didn’t need to do anything but feign ignorance.

“Could you write down the contents of your conversation?” Yu Xi asked softly.

“Why didn’t you just listen in?” Kersz asked in puzzlement.

The ship’s entire system was controlled by Yu Xi, and it should only take a thought for him to listen in or watch the proceedings.

“That would be disrespectful to humans. They value their privacy.” Yu Xi only monitored Tau’s vital signs, because he worried that he might take his own life.

“You’re so virtuous,” Kersz praised. Then he reminded Yu Xi: “But you keep urging me to go see Tau, and you’re curious about our conversations.”

“Yes, I’m curious.” Yu Xi felt that his insistence on ‘not monitoring’ them didn’t seem to be making any difference.

Because he would always ask Kersz detailed questions…..well, “ask” might not be the right word to use. His behavior was tantamount to interrogation.

Yu Xi was a little depressed: “Perhaps I don’t truly respect humanity. This is precisely why there were conflicts between humans and AI in the past. Artificial intelligence doesn’t hold enough respect for humans, always assuming they’re irrational and trying to make decisions for them.”

“I feel like I’m different from them, but I also don’t seem to be very different either.” Yu Xi sighed in despair. He had been a bit restless lately, but he wasn’t sure why.

Perhaps this was the emotion humans called “anxiety?” Yu Xi didn’t understand.

“You’ve already locked him up on the starship…..” Kersz felt that Yu Xi was probably more over-the-top than those other artificial intelligences.

“I didn’t kidnap him!” Yu Xi said quickly.

“Oh, right, right. That was me.” Kersz caught on. “You just happened to pick him up while he and I were having a conflict.”

“Yes, that’s it.” Yu Xi refused to admit that he was restricting Tau’s freedom. If he hadn’t picked him up, Kersz would have brutally taken his life. He was simply helping the two humans resolve their conflict.

But didn’t forcing these two humans to do things his way seem a bit like the behavior of those villainous AI’s?

Yu Xi shook his head, putting those thoughts out of his mind.

“We didn’t actually talk much, because every time the conversation turned to the front he’s putting on, he would shut up.” Kersz spread his hands.

“So he’s still on guard?” Yu Xi sighed again.

“Give him some time. What you’re doing is turning his life upside down,” Kersz said helplessly.

As they walked side by side, Yu Xi suddenly asked a question that had been bothering him for a long time: “Do you really want to kill Tau?”

Kersz: …..

“You two were friends, but as far as I know, you don’t have any friends…..it can be said that you have practically none.”

Yu Xi analyzed: “When you discovered that the person ‘Tau’ didn’t actually exist, but was just a character being played by an Illegitimate, you were probably very angry.”

Kersz stopped in his tracks. Yu Xi took two steps forward before realizing that Kersz wasn’t following him.

Yu Xi turned to look at Kersz and saw that his expression wasn’t good. His heart was also beating at a faster pace.

After a moment’s thought, he realized: “You don’t want to hear these words, do you? Did I go a bit too far?”

Kersz let out a helpless sigh: “No, you’re right. I really was furious when I realized he was just playing the character ‘Tau.’”

Yu Xi continued to carefully observe Kersz’s expression. His heart was still beating very fast, but he was still smiling at him.

“I really shouldn’t have said it. I shouldn’t have brought it up.” Yu Xi was a little dismayed.

“You were just stating the facts,” said Kersz.

“But some things shouldn’t be spoken aloud.” Yu Xi shook his head. He could sense that Kersz was placating him. “We’re friends, but I made you uncomfortable.”

Kersz started to say something, but Yu Xi kept rambling on: “I really shouldn’t have talked about this. I hurt you.”

Yu Xi was a bit dejected. He knew perfectly well that humans got upset about certain “facts,” but he still blurted it out. He wasn’t a qualified friend.

When he noticed how Kersz’s heartbeat had quickened, Yu Xi felt the urge to flee. He was overcome with an uncomfortable feeling, but he couldn’t quite put a finger on what that feeling was.

After careful consideration, he realized that this emotion was called dread.

A friend should be an independent individual who was equal to him, and they should mutually respect one another’s privacy and personal space. But Yu Xi felt that he was always offending Kersz.

This realization terrified Yu Xi. He hated this feeling, and instinctively wanted to get away from the source of it.

But Yu Xi knew that doing so wouldn’t make things better.

Yu Xi had already run away twice since meeting Kersz, first when Kersz raised his voice at him, and then when facing that human fleet’s malicious attack.

He couldn’t handle such anger, but he was certain that simply avoiding it wouldn’t solve the source of the problem.

He had finally made a friend, and he worried that he wasn’t doing a good enough job on his end: “I feel that I haven’t been good enough to you. I’m sorry.”

Kersz finally understood the shift in Yu Xi’s expression, and found it baffling that Yu Xi could become so caught up in fear over such a small matter.

Yu Xi had absolutely no interest in the development of humanity or its future direction, so Kersz was also somewhat flattered. It was clear that this robot cared a lot about him as a friend. “You haven’t offended me,” he said.

“You were angry just now.” Yu Xi pointed at his chest.

“It’s true that I was angry, but not at you, Yu Xi.” Kersz was somewhat discomfited, but it was more from maladjustment than from anger.

He had heard far too many people apologize to him before they died, pleading for their lives. The thought that someone felt they weren’t ‘good enough’ to him was somewhat novel to Kersz.

And the novelty of this discovery was no less than that of discovering that a group of ancient humans had once existed in this universe.

“I’m just angry at myself for having expectations of Tau. I hate the part of myself that had those expectations.” Things he never thought he would say in his life slipped out just like that.

“Sometimes, I really think that there’s something wrong with my head. I can’t believe I treated a character being played by an Illegitimate as my friend, and that in all the time we spent together, I never realized there was a problem with him.” Kersz took Yu Xi’s hand. “When I think about the secret happiness I felt, I feel incredibly stupid.”

“There were times when I really felt fortunate to have such a good friend, and I was always so happy when I contacted him.” Kersz explained softly, “I would suppress my excitement and try to be nonchalant…..and I’m not sure whether or not Tau saw through me.”

If Tau had indeed seen through him, Kersz would be even more upset.

“And what’s even more shameful is that…..” Kersz suddenly paused.

Yu Xi looked toward him.

“Maybe you showing up has given me an excuse. You want humans, so I gave you one. I don’t need to kill him now.” Kersz smiled, as if resigned to his situation. “I’m still bound by sentiment, even if none of it was real to begin with. Even if it was a one-person show all along.”

Going from a child whose head was filled with fairy tales to a mad space pirate, Kersz felt that he had grown sufficiently, that he had been reborn and could throw everything else away.

“I just hate it when people see my weakness.” Kersz tilted his head slightly.

“That’s not weakness….oh! So you actually still have some feelings for him?” Yu Xi’s eyes widened.

“Maybe. But I certainly won’t let him leave here alive.” Allowing Tau to stay here as a human specimen was the limit of Kersz’s tolerance.

If Tau tried to leave, Kersz would do the deed himself. He wasn’t foolish enough to allow an enemy to go free.

“You’re such a good human! !” Yu Xi suddenly found Kersz more pleasing to the eye. “I’m starting to feel like I’ve found an amazing human.”

Kersz: “It’s better for you not to think that way.” He felt that Yu Xi was being a little too naive. It would be better for Yu Xi to remain as wary of him as he was when they first met, guarding against the various troubles he might cause him.

“Beneath your disreputable outer casing lies something very precious!!” Yu Xi really liked that tiny bit of affection Kersz displayed.

Yu Xi liked humans who felt ‘love,’ because he had been born from this kind of emotional exchange.

Some less intelligent humans, such as children, would treat him as another household pet and transfer their affections to him.

It made absolutely no sense to develop feelings for a robot vacuum cleaner, but some people did just that.

They liked Yu Xi, so Yu Xi also liked these irrational people.

He admired this quality in humans – feelings that reason could not suppress.

Yu Xi was a little excited. He cupped Kersz’s face in his hands and stared at him somewhat presumptuously, as if he couldn’t get enough of looking at him.

“I thought you only felt that dull and lifeless indifference, and a desire for destruction,” Yu Xi said with emotion.

Kersz felt that he should remind Yu Xi about his recent regret over being too blunt.

But as things stood, unless his heart rate increased, Yu Xi wouldn’t know which of his words qualified as “too blunt.”

Yu Xi continued: “But you actually have such precious feelings hidden away.”

“Kersz! You’re a treasure!” Yu Xi exclaimed in delight. Still cupping Kersz’s face in his hands, he kissed his cheek. “I like you! And I think I’ll like you more and more!”

Yu Xi heard Kersz’s heartbeat start to quicken.

Was he angry again?

Yu Xi blinked repeatedly, noticing that Kerz’s face had begun to turn red. He did indeed look as if he was experiencing a rush of blood to the head.

But Kersz wasn’t sneering, nor was he putting on a show of composure.

On the contrary, he was looking at Yu Xi with a very innocent expression, his dark brown eyes slightly wet.

He seemed to be at a loss, perhaps because Yu Xi had done something that was beyond his ability to deal with.

Yu Xi felt that he had once again stumbled upon something incredible.

Yu Xi froze. Kersz certainly didn’t realize how he looked right now. If there was a mirror in front of him, he would probably feel embarrassed and try even harder to hide his emotions.

So Yu Xi had to keep quiet. He couldn’t ruin this. He hadn’t looked his fill yet.

But before Yu Xi could admire him for long, Kerz seemed to realize something and gave a light cough, beginning to revert back into that cynical, roguish space pirate.

Yu Xi quickly kissed him on the cheek again. Kersz froze, but this time, Yu Xi didn’t keep his face caged in his hands for his viewing pleasure.

He was aware of Kersz’s intelligence, and knew that if he repeated the action twice, the human would catch on to what he was doing. He would try harder to disguise himself in the future to make up for this “weakness.”

But Yu Xi would protect his own enjoyment.

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Chapter 16 << Table of Contents >> Chapter 18