Ch 19 – Sweet and Dangerous Memories

Yu Xi wanted to learn more about Facai, but neither Kersz nor Tau could accurately explain the system’s specific origins, and it was also unclear if this system possessed an emotion module.

At least Kersz had some prior contact with Facai. Tau, however, had never had the opportunity to interact with it, and only knew that such a system existed.

Neither of them were clear on the situation, and knew even less where Facai’s control center was located.

Kersz felt that all of this seemed a bit too coincidental. How had he ended up right in Yu Xi’s lap after picking a random space jump point? And why was the name of this “Facai” system in the language of the ancient humans?

Had the two of them really never been in contact with each other?

Kersz attempted to subtly probe for details from Yu Xi, but Yu Xi was simply unable to locate anything in his memories.

“Have you really never seen him?” Kersz pressed.

“In any case, he’s not present in my existing memories,” said Yu Xi.

“Existing memories?” asked Kersz.

“A segment of my memory has been erased. I’ve tried many times, but I’ve been unable to restore it.” Yu Xi explained, “I’m not certain of the timeframe of that memory segment, because for me, it was just like falling asleep one day and waking up the next. There was no adjustment period at all. It was only after I discovered that my energy level had dropped significantly that I discovered the gap in my memory.”

Yu Xi typically paid no attention to his energy level. After all, when this energy was first allocated to him, he believed that he was facing eternity.

A road that seemed to have no end.

“Then do you think you might have met him in those missing memories?” Kersz couldn’t shake the feeling that Yu Xi was hiding even bigger secrets.

“I don’t know…..” Yu Xi shook his head. “But I’m certain that I’m the only one capable of erasing my memory.”

He used to frequently delete parts of his memory in order to watch movies and TV shows again as if it was his first time seeing them.

If he had really met this Facai or an existence anything like him, he would have surely been over the moon even if they had done nothing but chat. For Yu Xi, who had been residing on a living corpse of a planet for years on end, it would have come as an incredible surprise.

If Kersz’s conjecture was correct, and Yu Xi had indeed come into contact with Facai directly or indirectly, then why would he have erased those memories?

Yu Xi couldn’t fathom what he must have been thinking. After all, those memories were a blank slate for him.

Kersz noticed a faint greenish glow flicker in Yu Xi’s eyes, only to dim in the next moment.

“What’s wrong?” Kersz asked Yu Xi.

“I…..I feel that I don’t understand myself well enough.” Yu Xi felt a peculiar sense of self-betrayal. Some very interesting memories that might have alleviated his loneliness had been hidden away by his own hand.

Then could it be possible that he had long since experienced some extraordinary events and undergone personal changes himself?

“They probably weren’t very pleasant memories.” Kersz reached out and rested a hand on Yu Xi’s back.

“But every experience is valuable in some way.” Yu Xi felt that this method was too extreme, and that erasing his memory was simply a form of escapism.

“That may be true in principle, but if the ‘me’ of years ago had this ability, I probably wouldn’t have become a space pirate,” said Kersz.

“You want to seal away your memories too?” Yu Xi asked.

“Maybe in the past I would have, but I have no plans to do so now,” Kersz said with a smile.

“Why not?” asked Yu Xi.

Kersz’s heartbeat began to quicken, though he didn’t appear to be angry: “On the day my life was destroyed, I wished I could erase my memories and pretend I knew nothing at all, to just go on living in blissful oblivion.”

“If the sealing of your memories wasn’t an accident, then something must have happened that you absolutely couldn’t bear to deal with.” Kersz didn’t feel that there was any need for Yu Xi to recover those memories.

He could understand how he must have been feeling.

Yu Xi: “…..Do you think I might have broken down?”

“I’m not sure, but I think you should prepare yourself.” Kersz rubbed his hand up and down over Yu Xi’s back. “Sometimes we can’t really tell if what we want is the truth or a lie.”

Yu Xi’s eyes slowly widened, and Kersz patted him on the back.

Yu Xi continued to dwell on this matter all the way up until bedtime.

If he really had erased his own memories, then something must have happened that he was absolutely unable to accept.

Just how severe had that “unacceptable thing” been? Yu Xi didn’t know.

But after Kersz’s warning, Yu Xi began to fear that truth.

After all, he had only just begun to learn how to deal with human malice.

As he ruminated, Yu Xi went to sleep.

He had a dream, and it was one he knew very well – still in the form of a robot vacuum cleaner, he wandered around the house, but this time, the big fat cat didn’t make an appearance.

Yu Xi diligently went back and forth, cleaning the floor. Suddenly, he heard a crash as a glass on the dining table was knocked to the floor. Yu Xi was startled, and spun around to look in that direction.

Standing there were a small calico cat, a large white dog, a crocodile, and a big wild boar.

The dining table stood right next to the window, which they had clearly climbed through to get in.

These little animals were all wearing uniforms, and looked very serious.

“Look! That’s an image of the legendary supreme apes!” As it spoke, the crocodile pointed with a short front limb toward a photograph on a storage cabinet.

Supreme what? Supreme ape?

Yu Xi turned his body to look at the photograph, which bore the image of his household’s masters.

The calico cat exclaimed: “They really do look a lot like us.”

Alike?

Yu Xi disagreed.

“The legends are actually true.” The big white dog wore a solemn expression. “We once lived under the protection of the supreme apes, free from the need to work or worry about the future. The supreme apes would always provide us with food and shelter.”

The big wild boar sighed: “How I wish I had been born in an era where the supreme apes were still around.”

Yu Xi: ……

If the “supreme apes” these creatures brimming with chuunibyou energy were referring to were the humans, living as a pig in human society would have been a bit perilous.

“Oh!!” The calico cat caught sight of Yu Xi. “There’s actually a living being over there!”

A living being? Him? Yu Xi felt that with his round shape, he more closely resembled a manhole cover than he did a living being.

“Hello!” The calico cat jumped down nimbly from the table. “Can you understand what we’re saying?”

Yu Xi felt a bit self-conscious, and wanted to hide behind something to conceal his figure.

His disc-like self inched back slightly, swaying awkwardly from side to side.

“Are you shy?” The big white dog jumped down as well.

“Yu Xi. My name is Yu Xi.” His voice was incredibly faint.

All four animals let out exclamations of surprise at this reply, giving Yu Xi a shock. His first instinct was to flee, but he ended up fleeing no further than behind the coffee table, where he trembled in fear as he cautiously peered out at the four animals.

“I’m sorry, we scared you.” The crocodile scratched its head with its short claws. “We just didn’t expect that we’d share a common language.”

The big wild boar took a couple of steps forward: “Are you a supreme ape?”

Yu Xi: “I’m not…..I’m a robot vacuum cleaner.”

“But you really are similar to a supreme ape,” said the calico cat.

He seemed like a human? Yu Xi felt a little pleased when he heard this.

“Do you know where the supreme apes went?” the big white dog asked him.

Yu Xi didn’t know, but he didn’t say this outright.

With a strange premonition, he turned back to the photograph of the family of three and felt a wave of sadness sweep over him.

Yu Xi said: “They left.”

The four animals looked at him, and Yu Xi felt a little self-conscious under their gazes: “It’s just me here. I’m a robot vacuum cleaner, and I’ve always worked here.”

“You’ve been here all alone?” The big wild boar’s tone was rather gentle.

“En.” Yu Xi swayed back and forth again. He didn’t like this answer, but there really wasn’t a second person here to keep him company.

“Then would you like to come and play with us?!” The big white dog pawed at the floor in excitement. “You can tell us stories about the supreme apes.”

Yu Xi edged closer to the four animals. Then, as if he had suddenly remembered something, he backed a short distance away again.

“Do you want to come play with us?” The crocodile extended a short little paw.

“I – I really want to, but I don’t know if you all will like me,” said Yu Xi.

“I think we’re going to like you very, very much.”

Yu Xi hesitated, but ultimately made his way over to the group of animals at a slow pace.

He awoke from his dream.

Yu Xi opened his eyes, his gaze unfocused.

“Mr. Yu Xi?” Kersz called out from where he was lying nearby.

Yu Xi was given a fright. His pupils suddenly constricted, then dilated again: “Kersz?! You’re awake?”

Kersz gave a hum: “You got some pretty big news today. A human likely wouldn’t sleep well under such circumstances, and I wasn’t sure if the same applied to you.” For this reason, he had been waiting for quite a while.

Yu Xi gave an “oh,” then clutched the blanket tightly. “I had a dream, and it was a little different…..I think my memories might not have been erased completely.”

Kersz didn’t immediately offer a response. He knew that Yu Xi’s momentary pause was because his mind was in turmoil.

“The scene in that dream wasn’t real, but I feel like such an event might have happened.” Yu Xi was somewhat curious, and a little expectant, but more than anything else, he was afraid. 

“Did I mess up a relationship?” Yu Xi asked Kersz uncertainly.

“I doubt it. You have a very good personality,” Kersz reassured him.

Yu Xi looked at Kersz: “Really? But I did mock your pronunciation. I even wanted to capture you and a bunch of other humans and take you back to live on my planet. Plus, I always speak really bluntly, and whenever you’re with me, your heart starts racing…..it’s the same with Tau too…..”

Kersz: “In any case, your feelings are very sincere. Anyone can see it.” Kersz felt that even if Yu Xi managed to anger someone, the prevailing sentiment in their reaction would be a sense of helplessness.

Still, managing to piss off an Illegitimate was actually pretty impressive.

Yu Xi covered the lower half of his face with the blanket.

“Do you want to just delete those memories?” Kersz asked.

“A little bit. I just feel like they contain something I can’t accept,” Yu Xi answered truthfully.

“If worse comes to worst, just pretend like none of it ever happened. You can make a fresh start now,” Kersz said.

“But surely there must be some happy memories during that time. I would only be sad if there was happiness too…..I don’t want to cast aside the people I once cared about – or rather, the small animals.” Yu Xi had a feeling that these small animals were creations of the ancient humans.

Kersz gazed up at the ceiling, which featured a projection of the starry sky.

He didn’t want to forget?

If I were to forget them, would it stop hurting so much?

No, that’s not fair, they did it for me.

They died. In his memory, Kersz slapped his head over and over. Remember! Kersz, they’re dead. You need to imprint them in your mind. They’re gone and they’ll never come back again. You need to remember.

From now on, I won’t be able to talk with them about those boring, trivial things anymore. I won’t be able to say a single word to them. They’re dead.

“Do you think I was very sad?” Yu Xi asked.

Kersz: “I hope not.”

---

Consider donating via Kofi here.

Chapter 18 << Table of Contents >> Chapter 20