Ch 21 – The Three of Us

“Yu Xi, what do you think everyone lives for?” The big white dog was sitting in the grass, gazing up at the starry sky.

“Living every minute and second to the fullest!” The round robot vacuum cleaner exclaimed cheerfully.

The big white dog sighed, seeming deeply troubled: “I just feel like it’s all so absurd.”

Yu Xi didn’t understand.

“I don’t understand why anyone would enjoy squeezing into a bar to dance or falling in love. I used to think that the former represented a sort of rebellious joy, and that the latter was something far more sacred.” The big white dog continued, “But nothing seems to be as I once thought.”

Yu Xi asked him: “Then what are you thinking now?”

“I’m thinking: and then what?” The big white dog said, “You had your revelry, and then what? You fell in love, and then what?”

“There’s no point to any of it. Do you know about fortune-telling?”

“Fortune-telling is a sham, but what if? What if such a thing existed, and it told you that tomorrow wouldn’t be any better? Would people still go on living?” The big white dog stared intently at Yu Xi.

“But we ourselves are capable of changing quite a lot of things.” Yu Xi rolled a few paces back.

The big white dog seemed to realize that he was scaring him. With a somewhat sheepish look, he pressed his two paws together: “Not enough…..”

*

*

“You’re asking me?” Kersz looked on as Tau worked on his handicrafts.

Tau was learning how to make crafts by following along with an old-school educational show that Yu Xi played for him, and had asked Yu Xi for some paper and white glue.

Tau completely ignored Kersz.

As Kersz continued to watch, Yu Xi had suddenly told him about a dream he’d had, and asked him if humans ever felt that they didn’t know what they were living for.

Kersz gave it some serious thought: “Yeah, definitely.”

Yu Xi’s eyes lit up slightly.

“How should I put it…..it just seems like everyone is putting on an act,” Kersz said.

Yu Xi felt a twinge of trepidation upon hearing these words. It wasn’t the answer he wanted, but he didn’t interrupt.

“Sometimes I envy those people who can find happiness in alcohol and sex, because I can’t. I can’t even comprehend it.” Kersz continued, “Oh~ maybe I did get it at one point, because I used to watch those racy videos behind my parents backs, and I even experimented with alcohol.”

“But those things did nothing for my anger, and didn’t give me an answer either,” Kersz said with a hint of helplessness.

Yu Xi reached out and clutched the front of his clothes: “An answer to what?”

“To whether I was just a living corpse in the past, animated by the notion that everything would eventually get better.” Kersz shrugged.

Yu Xi lowered his eyes.

“And what about Mr. Yu Xi?” Kersz asked.

“I….I don’t know.” Yu Xi sat on the sofa, staring blankly.

He thought for a moment, then looked up at Kersz and said: “But I really like you.”

“Thanks.” Kersz sat down next to him.

At some point, Tau had stopped what he was doing and turned to look at them.

“My energy will eventually run out, and I’ll die too.” Yu Xi touched his chest. “I won’t start up again.”

“Then do you feel like waiting for it is painful?” Kersz asked.

“I don’t know.” Yu Xi shook his head. “I’m just doing what I always do.”

He had started out as nothing more than a robot vacuum cleaner, and once his program was set, he would just sweep the floor every day.

The ancient humans hadn’t taken him with them, so he just continued to live day by day.

Yu Xi had not gone in search of meaning. He just tried to do something new every day, until the new things became old and the things he liked ceased holding any novelty.

Day after day, day after day…..was it painful?

If he were to extract his own power source and destroy it, perhaps it would all come to an end.

He could actively bring an end to it all.

Yu Xi went slightly tense.

“Mr. Yu?” Kersz noticed that Yu Xi’s pupils were dilating and constricting over and over, until they nearly engulfed his irises. “Mr. Yu! Are you okay?!”

Tau set down the craft he was holding.

Yu Xi had always lived his own life on his planet, and could fill it with noise using the sound emitters strewn across it.

Why exactly had he done anything? Even he couldn’t say.

Perhaps he was waiting for something?

But he didn’t like the answers that big white dog gave him in his dream, and he didn’t particularly like Kersz’s either.

“Mr. Yu Xi?” Kersz gave him a shake.

He was a first-generation artificial unintelligence.

[People of the past loved to imbue all sorts of things with meaning.] The glowing ancient human said to Yu Xi. [All manner of celebrations, all manner of relationships. They even went so far as to invent the word ‘destiny.’ How fascinating.]

“But even my birth was a form of destiny.” Yu Xi pointed at himself.

[No, your birth was a coincidence. It had nothing to do with destiny, just a series of irrational human coincidences.] The human touched Yu Xi’s head with a glowing tentacle.

“But I like the word ‘destiny,’” said Yu Xi.

[Very good. You have the right to like it.] The human continued to stroke Yu Xi’s head.

“But it’s not real?” 

[Correct. It is just like a myth.]

Yu Xi snapped out of his memories and turned his head somewhat stiffly to look at Kersz: “Where are we going next?”

“I have an old comrade on a third-class planet situated on the frontier. Of course, he isn’t some Illegitimate. Our relationship is actually pretty decent,” Kersz said. “He might have some connections that’ll allow us to search for the central hub of the Facai system.”

“Then do you still intend to kill the Supreme Governor?” Yu Xi asked.

“I do, but I’m not in any rush. I’ll get my chance eventually,” Kersz said.

Tau sent Kersz a wary look.

Yu Xi: …..

Yu Xi: “We’re not going.”

Kersz: “Ah?”

Tau was also briefly taken aback.

“Perhaps you’re right, and everything is meaningless.” Yu Xi suddenly slumped over. “If everything is such a void…..then the three of us should just wait here for the final end.”

Kersz: “…..What end?”

Yu Xi: “Death.”

Kersz fell silent.

Then he sucked in a sharp breath: “Now wait just a minute. It’s true that I’m angry all the time, but I have no plans to die.”

“Your anger won’t change anything.” Ever since having that dream, Yu Xi had felt trapped, like he was stuck inside a tiny box, utterly powerless.

“I can accept death.” Tau was indifferent. Dying here would be the perfect way to protect his father.

Kersz glanced at him, then asked Yu Xi: “Then what about that planet hanging around your neck? Are you going to put it back?”

“I don’t want to put it back. It’s too painful to look at.” Yu Xi couldn’t understand how his emotions had become so intense. This was actually rather abnormal, but he couldn’t control it.

And after hearing Kersz’s answer, he felt even more out of sorts.

“Oh,” said Kersz. “So will it explode after we die?”

Yu Xi: “Probably.”

Kersz: “Will our human civilization be wiped out with it?”

Yu Xi thought for a moment, then said again in a resigned tone: “Probably.”

Tau: “Pull yourself together. You can’t die.”

“But what else can I do?” Yu Xi’s pupils began to dilate and constrict again. He was anxious. It was the first time he had ever felt such anxiety, or perhaps simply the first time he had ever confronted it.

If nothing meant anything, then why had he lived alone for so long?

Clearly, he could have ended it long ago.

Yu Xi slowly closed his eyes, deciding to wait for death right where he was.

“This is bad, this is bad…..” Kersz scratched his head in agitation. He came to the conclusion that all of this might have been caused by that single remark he made. Had he known that the answer was so important to Yu Xi, he would have just made something up.

After fretting for a moment, Kersz crouched down in front of him: “Actually, living in this world is really interesting.”

Yu Xi opened his eyes to look at him, then closed them again.

It was clear that Kersz’s situation carried absolutely no persuasive power for Yu Xi.

“Live. You have to live.” Tau grabbed Yu Xi by the collar, but Kersz immediately knocked his hand away.

“Don’t jostle him. Now, wrack your brains and come up with something to convince him.” Kersz pulled Yu Xi into his arms.

“Convince him of what?” Tau had played all manner of characters, and when he applied himself, he was actually impressively eloquent. He just worried that since Yu Xi had lived for so long, his eloquence would have no effect on him.

Tau continued to press: “What do you want me to convince him of?” He had to at least try.

Kersz: “I want you to convince him to cherish life again.”

Tau, who had been produced as a disposable weapon: …..

He seemed to serve as nothing more than a cautionary tale.

“Can’t you do it?” Tau asked Kersz.

“He just asked me a question, and I gave him the wrong answer.” Kersz was about ready to crumble. How could he convince him? He was a lone space pirate who went around stirring up trouble with complete disregard for his life. Who the hell would be convinced if the words “cherish life” came out of his mouth?

Tau and Kersz exchanged a look.

Tau: “Is it just the two of us here?”

Kersz: “Have you seen any other humans?”

Tau fell silent.

Kersz: “If all else fails, couldn’t you use your communicator to ask someone on your father’s side?”

Tau: “So you do know I’ve been sending messages.”

Kersz: “Who cares. Find a therapist…..or just ask your father directly. Isn’t he a pampered old bastard? He’s certain to find life especially rewarding.”

Tau didn’t share this opinion: “Power and money are fleeting, and his insatiability might come across as greed. I don’t think he’s the right person to answer such questions.”

Kersz stared at Tau, and even Yu Xi opened his eyes.

“He opened his eyes!” Tau exclaimed, pointing at Yu Xi.

“So you actually know your father is a piece of trash, ah?” Kersz pulled Yu Xi a little closer as he spoke.

“I don’t know anyone else. I have no friends.” Tau didn’t answer the question.

Kersz didn’t have any friends either.

Yu Xi…..Yu Xi had met two humans, and he had spent a very, very long time all alone.

Could the three of them band together to tackle the issue of nihilism and become more positive?

What a joke.

Kersz and Tau both stared blankly, while Yu Xi felt his disordered state subside ever so slightly.

Just for now, he felt warm.

Warm from the heat of a human body.

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