Ch 28 – In Deep Trouble
Tau went looking for Yu Xi, wanting to get some materials for his figurine’s eyes. The door to Kersz and Yu Xi’s room wasn’t closed all the way, and he heard Kersz’s voice.
“Y-Yu Xi, don’t lick me, ah.”
Tau froze with his hand outstretched toward the door, then hugged his little dinosaur tighter.
After returning to his room, Tau couldn’t stop himself from turning around and glaring toward their door.
Sure enough, that madman Kersz was desperate to sell his body, and Yu Xi had gladly accepted.
The relationship between these two was incredibly messy, and something bad was bound to happen sooner or later.
How could he so easily get into an intimate relationship with someone as dangerous as Yu Xi? What if their relationship hit a snag and Yu Xi had a breakdown?
If Yu Xi were to try to drag humanity into death with him, would they be able to stop him?
Thinking of these things, Tau shook his head in disapproval at the actions of that dissolute space pirate Kersz.
Tau couldn’t sleep, because he hadn’t been able to put eyes on his little dinosaur yet.
He wanted a pair of eyes…..a pretty pair of eyes, preferably purple.
Tau poked the little dinosaur’s empty eye sockets a few times.
Were Yu Xi and Kersz finished?
Tau went out again, hugging his dinosaur. This time, he heard Yu Xi’s voice when he walked to their door.
“But you kept making that sound, like the meowing of a small kitten….”
Tau sighed. They weren’t finished.
He took the dinosaur back to his room.
Did Yu Xi perhaps have a problem with his aesthetic tastes? How could a kitten’s meow have anything to do with Kersz?
Tau had no choice but to return to his room.
He waited a little longer, thinking that this time, it should be fine.
But when he reached the door, he heard Kersz asking: “Give birth to robots? Why would I give birth to robots?”
Tau: ……
He glanced at the time. It had only been a few hours. How had they progressed to the point where they were discussing having children?
Furthermore, did Yu Xi have genetic material? And even if he did, he couldn’t combine it with Kersz’s, right?
And what did they mean by ‘giving birth?’ Nowadays, humans were grown using machines. Human conception was illegal, ah.
Also, humans could not give birth to robots.
After lingering for a while at the door, Tau came to a conclusion – this must be a crazy, ridiculous little game between them.
Tau had seen far too many filthy things. Illegitimates like him occasionally received missions that required them to use their own bodies, so such things were not unusual to Tau.
But was Kersz really not afraid of developing health problems? Or did he have that much faith in the medical facilities of the ancient humans?
This space pirate was truly insane.
Tau returned to his room, where he cuddled his eye-less dinosaur until dawn.
He didn’t close the door, and rushed out the second he heard footsteps.
Upon laying eyes on Yu Xi, he raised up the dinosaur in his arms: “Do you have two purple eyeballs?”
“Huh? You finished it?” Yu Xi was rather surprised.
Tau nodded.
“Would you like to install a small interactive system in this little dinosaur?” Yu Xi asked.
Tau was stunned: “Is that possible? But its body is very fragile. Won’t it break easily?”
“You can apply some protective coating to it. The interactive system has a basic emotion module. Would you like that?” Yu Xi felt that Tau was exceptionally fond of this little toy.
Tau wasn’t sure if he wanted it or not: “But what if I die after installing the emotion module?”
“Even with an emotion module, it will still just be a pet. It won’t have the same profound emotions as humans.” Yu Xi felt that there was no need for Tau to worry about this.
“But what is profound, and what is superficial?” Tau felt that this was wrong. Feelings were feelings. How could there be a distinction between them?
Was the affection of a “pet” something that could be easily discarded?
“Profound affection is when your loved one understands you completely, including your good and bad qualities, and loves you regardless,” Yu Xi explained. “With superficial affection, the subject doesn’t understand you. Not your experiences, your suffering, or your joy.”
“They only like you because of the tiny bit of kindness you give them,” Yu Xi said. “You can’t be sure if they’ll still like you after they discover the real you.”
Kersz also overheard Yu Xi’s speech, and sighed as he straightened his clothes: “Aren’t your words a little too cold?”
“No, I’m speaking from experience,” Yu Xi said.
“Have you owned many pets?”
“I feel that I was kept as a pet by humans for a long time.” Yu Xi hadn’t expected that Tau would be so concerned over the feelings of a pet.
Clearly, Tau didn’t even care about the life or death of other humans.
After hearing Yu Xi’s words, Tau hugged his little dinosaur even tighter.
“With the emotion module, will it become like you one day?” he asked.
“No, that is just an artificial emotion system. You can think of it as your pet imitating you.” Yu Xi had undergone countless upgrades to become what he was. “Although it is incredibly close to reality, grief won’t cause it any physical problems.”
Tau: “So it would just be a lie.”
“You can think of it that way.” Yu Xi frowned. “But I don’t like using such a depressing word to describe it. Rather than a lie, I would say it’s a ‘fantasy.’”
Tau looked down at the dinosaur in his arms, then up at Yu Xi.
After a moment’s thought, he held the dinosaur out to Yu Xi with both hands: “Then please install an artificial emotion module in it. And purple eyes.”
“Okay. I’ll make the two of you look more like family.” Yu Xi took the dinosaur. “Have you named it?”
Tau shook his head. He didn’t know what to name it: “What did your ancient humans call this type of creature?”
Yu Xi: “Humans collectively referred to them as dinosaurs, or kǒnglóng.”
“It sounds so imposing. Then let’s call it ‘kōnglóng.’” Tau was very satisfied with this grand-sounding word.[1]
Yu Xi: “…..Hehe.” He was still helpless against non-standard pronunciation.
Yu Xi went to assemble the protective casing and emotion module for Tau’s little dinosaur. Obviously, he would still need to modify the joints and muscular structure to make it look even cuter.
Kersz didn’t stick to Yu Xi. He was actually quite curious about Tau.
He didn’t understand why Tau had suddenly become enthralled with doing handicrafts.
Kersz asked him, but Tau didn’t feel that he was enthralled. It was just that he couldn’t do anything right now, such as transmitting intelligence, so he could only tinker with these little things.
“Then why not eat or drink instead of making things like that?” Kersz had also grown bored after recovering his health, so he started finding ways to amuse himself.
And his source of amusement was food.
He had never tasted any of this food before, and longed to try every single one of Yu Xi’s dishes.
Kersz was quite certain that Tau had never eaten proper food either. The Supreme Governor wouldn’t give his henchmen so many benefits.
Tau’s hobby was somewhat divorced from reality, and it seemed to be a sort of spiritual pursuit as well.
“Why are you thinking about food and drink?” Tau didn’t understand.
“Because those are a person’s most primal desires,” Kersz said. “Do you not have an appetite?”
Tau countered: “Isn’t lust also one of humanity’s most primal desires?”
“Of course it is~” Kersz agreed at once.
“You were exposed to lust much sooner than me,” Kersz said, looking Tau up and down. “Do you not feel it?”
“No.” When Tau engaged in such behavior, he was just completing a task.
“How can that be? You haven’t modified your flesh and blood body.” Kersz felt that it was impossible for Tau to be completely unaffected.
“I did experience a physical reaction, but it didn’t bring me pleasure.” Tau knew that it was just a normal human response. “I advise you not to mistake this fleeting pleasure for true love.”
Kersz: “Ah?”
Tau continued: “It is very deceptive. As I understand it, some people become addicted to this toxic pleasure.”
After venturing into space, humans rarely had sexual relations with each other anymore.
Because most people were not ‘compatible”
Compared to incompatible humans, customizable androids that could meet certain needs were more useful.
Human pregnancy was also illegal, so there was no need for humans to force themselves to have offspring with another human.
Human-on-human sexual relationships had become more of a peculiar “hobby.”
It was a desire to conquer that drove people to subdue a member of their own race.
Tau certainly found that to be a toxic pleasure.
“I didn’t feel pleasure, nor did I feel humiliated. But I think the lack of humiliation was because I don’t have much shame to begin with.” Tau looked at Kersz. “Ask yourself honestly, how did you feel when Yu Xi touched you?”
Kersz: “Very aroused.”
Tau: “Tell the truth.”
Kersz described it in more detail: “Even though I was aroused, my mind was pretty clear. I wanted him to continue, but I also felt that our relationship wasn’t at that point. I wanted him to stop, but I couldn’t bring myself to say the word ‘stop.’”
Tau: ……
Tau went quiet.
Kersz snuck a couple of glances at him. In consideration of their former friendship, he felt that he should show him a bit of concern: “Were you abused by those people?”
Tau: “Actually…..”
Kersz’s eyes widened.
“Actually, it’s those mentally-stressed people in high positions of power who prefer to be abused,” Tau said. “They always seem to enjoy finding a ‘master’ for themselves within a safe space.”
“As for those with sadistic tendencies, that group of people are a bit too extreme. Approaching them through lust is unreliable, because they really do cause deaths. Raising an Illegitimate is not a simple endeavor, and nobody would allow one in their hands to be scrapped so easily.”
“Your world is far more unhinged than that of a madman like me,” Kersz exclaimed.
Tau didn’t respond. He simply stared at Yu Xi’s door, waiting for the results.
Kersz’s curiosity was piqued again: “So, who have you been the master of?”
Tau remained silent.
Kersz: “Was there anyone you felt pity or tenderness for?”
“They have power and status. Why would I pity them?”
“Ha, you can see it when it’s not your father in question,” Kersz laughed.
Tau refused to speak.
Kersz attempted to strike up conversation again, but Tau ignored him.
Tau maintained this silence until Yu Xi brought out the little dinosaur, which had been fitted with an emotion module and a protective casing.
Tau’s eyes lit up, and he immediately straightened up and stretched out his hands to welcome his dinosaur.
Yu Xi handed over the small creature, whose expressions and facial features resembled those of a well-made cartoon character.
Most importantly, its eyes were a light purple just like Tau’s.
“Congratulations, you’re a father!” Yu Xi smiled and clapped, and then the entire room filled with cheers and applause.
Yu Xi had long since replaced the main system in this room with one more like that back on his planet.
Amidst the cheers, Tau hugged his dinosaur tightly.
He truly felt like he was a father.
He looked down at the dinosaur in his arms again. This was something he had painstakingly pasted together with pieces of paper.
Tau extended a finger, and the little dinosaur rubbed its head against it.
Tau felt as if he had received an electric shock.
The little dinosaur let out two “roars,” and Tau trembled helplessly. In the end, he looked to Yu Xi for help: “What does it mean?”
Kersz noticed that Yu Xi had changed into a white lab coat, and that upon hearing Tau’s words, he immediately pulled a pair of glasses from his pocket: “Come here, and I’ll tell you a few key points.”
Tau stiffly followed Yu Xi to the table.
“First, when it comes to holding a baby, you should ideally support its head, neck, and bottom. But considering that this one could run from the second it was born, you can just hold it however you like.” Yu Xi then pretentiously took out a piece of paper and a pen. “Then comes feeding. This is a creature hatched from an egg, so it doesn’t need breastmilk, but you must create food for it.”
Tau: “Create?”
“Yes, small food-shaped toys. If you really don’t have time, you can draw food on paper and cut it out. It will be able to eat it.”
Tau was shocked: “It’s really edible?”
“It can still taste the flavor.” Yu Xi smiled. “The more refined the product is, the more the child will like it. Don’t underestimate the technology of the ancient humans.”
Tau let out an exclamation of awe, and the dinosaur in his arms echoed him.
He stared wide-eyed at the dinosaur, and it wagged its tail at him.
Yu Xi tapped Tau’s head with his pen: “Listen carefully.”
Tau quickly sat up straight.
“Eating coarse food for too long can can cause it to have diarrhea,” Yu Xi added.
Tau was even more astonished: “It can get diarrhea?”
“Of course it can. The diarrhea will come out as bits of paper. Look at its bottom – those bits of paper will come out from there.” Yu Xi’s modifications to the dinosaur were very successful. “Healthy stool will look like a tiny crumpled ball of paper.”
Tau touched the dinosaur, utterly shocked.
“You can also make him some miniature clothes and shoes from time to time. Children like to look good.” At this point, Yu Xi lowered his head with a smile and asked the dinosaur if it liked pretty things.
The dinosaur nodded its big head, looking rather shy.
Yu Xi also reminded it that it wasn’t wearing clothes at the moment.
The dinosaur tried to cover its body with its short arms, but found that its forelimbs were far too short. Unable to cover itself, it could only surreptitiously tug part of Tau’s jacket over its body.
Tau looked completely dumbfounded.
Goodness! It really looked like a living thing. A living thing he had created himself!
He was really going to be a father!
What should a father do? The dinosaur currently had no clothes or food….that’s right! The dinosaur had nothing at all!
Tau jumped up with the dinosaur in his arms. He needed to quickly prepare food so that the dinosaur could have a full belly before he made its clothes.
Tau needed to get busy.
He asked Yu Xi for the food recipe, then took the paper and white glue back to his room.
“I still don’t get it.” Kersz crossed his arms and stared in the direction Tau had gone.
“I heard what the two of you were talking about,” Yu Xi said.
“Then why do you think he’s so obsessed with this little toy instead of food or physical pleasure?” Kersz asked in puzzlement.
Yu Xi had been pondering this question, and had even searched for references among the records of the ancient humans: “You weren’t interested in physical pleasure at the beginning either.”
“Because I was too focused on killing people. He’s obviously not as angry as I am.”
Yu Xi didn’t agree: “Perhaps you wished to use your rebellion to reveal your anger to everyone. Even if you couldn’t change the entire situation, you could still irk them, like a fishbone stuck in their throats.”
Kersz: “Why would people eat fish bones?”
“Oh, I forgot you’ve never choked on a fishbone.” Yu Xi realized that he hadn’t used the right analogy. “Or you could become a thorn stuck under their fingernails, unable to be ignored.”
Kersz considered this and decided that it was pretty accurate.
“In fact, many humans have a stronger reproductive desire under extreme conditions. It’s natural.”
People always hoped to pass on their genes as another form of “escape.”
But these desires seemed to belong to the future.
Both appetite and lust were forms of yearning for what was yet to come.
But these “Illegitimates” had no future at all.
What tomorrow would bring was not something they could dwell upon. Through repeated torment, their most primal desires as living beings had been forcibly snuffed out.
These “Illegitimates” were like rootless duckweed. They had no official identity, their biological parents had long since died, and they had nowhere to go.
Disobeying orders meant death.
Those early childhood education cartoons may be the “safe haven” Tau had found.
Tau was pursuing something unreal. His understanding had matured, but his preferences were deeply bound to those early childhood education cartoons.
Those animated films, which made it seem like the whole world was accommodating and guiding the viewer, contained a fatal attraction for Tau. And the act of making handicrafts posed no danger to him.
This was more like doing something to relieve boredom, but this “boredom” was particularly important for Tau.
All of this was absolutely safe for him.
And Tau had never felt absolutely safe before.
Thus, Tau became addicted. Like a child engrossed in playing house, he began to take care of his little dinosaur, creating food and clothes for it.
His feelings for the little dinosaur were real, but it was all a fantasy.
This, too, was a form of security.
“But his feelings for that thing really seem genuine.” Kersz grasped the key point.
Yu Xi hummed in acknowledgement: “Indeed. He might hope that the dinosaur’s feelings for him are also genuine.”
“Then why not get a real pet?”
“He doesn’t dare.” Yu Xi shrugged.
“From an outsider’s perspective, we humans are a bit too pathetic.” Kersz found it comical, but he couldn’t laugh.
“It’s hard to say what conditions would make your kind comfortable and at peace. I thought the ancient humans had finally found the answer, but then they still left.” Yu Xi didn’t understand either.
He had a clear understanding that both Tau and Kersz were in pain, but he couldn’t understand why the ancient humans, who were free from such pain, would still choose death.
Must every road have an end? Wasn’t that too pessimistic?
Kersz felt that his own behavior must also be incomprehensible to Tau, and that he must think that Kersz was blinded by simple, straightforward pleasures.
At this thought, Kersz felt that something wasn’t quite right.
Hadn’t Yu Xi just said that appetite and lust were part of a desire for a “future?”
Then did that mean Kersz wanted to have a future?
Hadn’t his lust toward Yu Xi just been caused by excessive touching?
Yu Xi was clearly a standard robot, yet he was more erotic than those androids that specialized in human desire.
Those androids were only capable of some straightforward functions. Yu Xi, however, was quite advanced, and he had a restrained, ascetic style.
Right now for example.
“What are you looking at?” Yu Xi noticed Kersz staring at his neck.
“You’re wearing a turtleneck underneath,” Kersz said.
“Yes, it’s very comfortable.” Yu Xi tugged at his collar. “Do you want one?”
“Tsk, tsk, tsk.” Kersz shook his head.
What a pro, ah.
The blueish line on Yu Xi’s lower lip ran down his chin and across his Adam’s apple before finally disappearing beneath his turtleneck.
Wasn’t this designed to entice people into exploring below, following the dim, pulsing light?”
Indeed, this sophisticated, subtle eroticism was the real culprit behind arousing his lust.
It wasn’t that he hoped for a future with Yu Xi.
How could he possibly have such expectations?
“What are you tsking about?” Yu Xi asked.
“I was tsking at myself. As I recall, you said that your energy is running out soon, but you’re a robot who’s existed since before the ancient humans left the planet. You lived through the extinction of the ancient humans, and even to the birth of new humans. Your concept of time is definitely different from ours,” Kersz said.
Yu Xi nodded: “It is.”
“So I figure you won’t completely shut down until tens of thousands of years after I’m dead.” If that was the case, then how could Kersz possibly fantasize about a future with Yu Xi? Their futures were not on the same plane of existence.
Yu Xi reassured Kersz: “No, I’m burning through my energy very quickly. It’s possible that you will outlive me.”
Kersz: …..
Kersz suddenly took a few steps toward Yu Xi, but managed to control himself and suppress his agitation.
Yu Xi’s concept of time was indeed different from that of Kersz and others: “I could just keel over and die at any moment.” After all, three hundred years would pass in the blink of an eye.
Kersz froze.
He stared at Yu Xi, feeling his desire drain away again.
All of a sudden, it all felt so meaningless.
[1] The way Tau pronounces this makes it sound like “impractical dragon.” ⮐
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